Featured Author: Glenn Conley

Glenn doesn't hate all books. But he's very honest in his reviews of books. In fact, as the subtitle says, he's brutally honest. And he's compiled these brutally honest reviews into a book. Warning: there is a lot of unnecessary profanity in this post. Why? Because Glenn's speech is sprinkled liberally with a lot of unnecessary profanity. You have been warned.

About the book

WARNING: There's a lot of unnecessary profanity in this book.
 Why? Because ... Because REASONS!



This book contains over 100 brutally honest book reviews. These laugh-out-loud reviews are offensive in every way possible. There's so much unnecessary profanity, it's crazy. But it's not the profanity or offensiveness that makes this book worth reading. It's the honesty.



You will find 1 star reviews in this book that absolutely tear the book to shreds, because the book was really that bad. But you will also find 5 star reviews in this book, because the book was actually that good. 

It contains reviews of popular books such as Gone Girl, The Giver, The Maze Runner, and many other popular books. Of course, it also includes plenty of books you've probably never heard of.



There's reviews that urge you to read a book, because it's so good. And also, reviews that warn you to stay the hell away from certain books, because they're bad. So bad.



In the end, you'll laugh while reading this book. And cry. And possibly vomit. You've been warned.

Interview with Glenn Conley

Glenn, you have an interesting title for this book. What’s the story behind it?
Well, I listen to a podcast called "Doug Loves Movies." And I thought, wouldn't it be funny if there was a "Doug Hates Movies?" I mean, wouldn't that be a more interesting show? Just bashing the s*^t out of bad movies. So, I started a blog called "Glenn Hates Movies," and I posted some nasty reviews of movies there. But after a while, I found that I love movies too much. There aren't enough movies that I really hate. But damn, there's plenty of books to hate on. So I created the "Glenn Hates Books" blog, and the rest is history.

Where did you grow up?
Keizer, Oregon. It's a small town north of Salem, in Oregon. I hated living there.

I'm sensing a pattern. What’s your favorite memory?
Jesus Christ, my favorite memory of all time? F^*k me. That's 45 years of memories for f*^k's sake. Did I say 'f*^k' already? Good. Just making sure. My favorite memory is probably the look on my mom's face when, after our wedding, my wife gave her a card that said, “Remember, you're not gaining a daughter. You're losing a son.” That was priceless.


If you had $100 a week to spend on yourself, what would you buy?
Well, that's a stupid question. Everyone has $100 a week to spend on themselves, don't they? I'd buy the same s*^t I already do. Well, if I had an extra 100 a week, I'd probably save it, and buy something nice. Like a convertible.

Which is what I meant. An extra $100. Glad you caught on. And good luck on that convertible. 
What’s the dumbest purchase you’ve ever made?
Buying a Geo Metro, and paying way too much for it. At the time, I was actually a new car salesman at a Toyota dealership. But my dealer was taking its sweet time finding me a car, so I went across town and bought that stupid Geo, and in the process got myself ripped off. And my wife cried that I traded in our 73 Chevy Caprice. I was sad after a while too, because we both f*^king loved that car. It just wasn't very practical any more.


What’s the most valuable thing you’ve learned?
Write every day. It doesn't matter what you write about. Just write every goddamn day. At least 500 words. If you keep that up, you can write a novel in no time at all.

Who would you pick to write your biography?
Michael Lewis. I've read a couple of his books, and he's a very good storyteller when it comes to people's lives.

What dumb things did you do during your college years? (I can't wait to hear this.)
Let's see, I had two years of college at George Fox University, a private Quaker college. If you're not familiar with the Quaker movement, it's like Christianity on crack. They're very strict. No kissing or hugging permitted on campus. If you were caught, you were sent to the Dean, and may get expelled. It was hilarious, because everyone was f*^king. I mean, that's the prime f*^k years of your life. If you don't f*^k like mad in college, you're going to miss out on the best f*^k years of your life.

But that's not the hilarious bit. It was funny because everyone had to find secret places to f*^k. At night people would break into the various campus buildings, and f*^k in secret. Cracked me up one time. I Was working security, and we found a couple f*^king in the prayer room. Now that's just plain naughty.

My wife and I were no exception. We would sneak into different buildings every night so we could f*^k like rabbits. During the day we would have to make sure to leave a window cracked in the building, so we could sneak in. It was quite fun, and incredibly stupid.

What do you love about where you live?
I live in Sandy, Oregon. It's a small town near Mt. Hood. I love it here. Not too cold, and not too hot. And the rain turns me on, so there's that. hehehe



What is the most daring thing you've done? (Again, this ought to be good.)
Had sex with my wife on a crowded beach, surrounded by our friends. We were under a blanket, but it was still pretty bloody obvious. Someone on the beach finally screamed “Oh my God! They're doing it!” And our friends turned to see me humping furiously to finish. Good times.


What is the stupidest thing you've ever done?
Well, back in the late 90's, I had a very successful business. My business partner suggested that we start playing the stock market. Three months later, I was arrested for securities fraud. If I had just stuck with my original business plan, and not listened to that f*^king asshole, I would have never been arrested and sent to jail. For that small mistake, I was sentenced to 36 months in a federal prison.

Yeah, that's pretty stupid. What’s one thing that you wish you knew as a teenager that you know now?
Write every day. I think I've already mentioned that mantra, but it's worth repeating.


What makes you bored?
Reading. LOL. Seriously, so many books bore me to tears. That's why I write such flaming reviews of books. Because they piss me off so much.


What choices in life would you like to have a redo on?
The business decision I mentioned above. And I should have studied writing in college, instead of film. And I wish I would have chosen a career that I actually enjoyed, instead of one that I grew to hate. I mean, I wish I knew back then that I should work at something I enjoy, not for the money, but because I actually enjoy doing it.



What makes you nervous?
Speaking in public.


What makes you happy?
Life.

What makes you scared?
Spiders. F*^king hate spiders.

Ditto. Here's a free tip: spiders hate peppermint. Put some peppermint oil in a spray bottle with water and spray around all your doors. Windows probably would be a good idea too. You're welcome. What makes you excited? (Besides the tip I just gave you.)
Movies. When a new movie that I'm really looking forward to is about to come out, I get giddy like a f*^king schoolgirl.

Do you have another job outside of writing?
No.

Who are you?
Are you getting philosophical on me? I sure hope not. I'm not a complicated guy. Well, most guys aren't complicated. But I'm even less so. I'm very shallow. Like an air head. In college, everyone thought I was a complete idiot. Because I acted like one. Only my wife-to-be noticed that I had actual intelligence. So who am I really? I'm a very smart guy, who's learned to mask his intelligence. Because people don't like smart people. People love an air head.

I think you're hanging with the wrong people. What are your most cherished mementoes? Things? Can't say that I have any. You could burn everything that I own, and I wouldn't care.

If you could only save one thing from your house, what would it be?
My computer. Well, assuming my wife could get out by herself, of course.

What brings you sheer delight?
When an author gets upset that I gave his book a bad review. Oh my God. I f*^king love that s*^t. I laugh and laugh like a f*^king schoolgirl. It's f*^king hilarious. I live for that s*^t.

You are truly a unique individual. Would you rather be a lonely genius, or a sociable idiot?
A sociable idiot.

Well, that's pretty obvious. Just kidding. What’s one of your favorite quotes?
“You can have everything you want in life, if you help enough other people get what they want.” Zig Ziggler.

“There's no such thing as bad publicity.” Unknown

That's two, but I'll let it slide. If you could live anywhere in the world, where in the world would it be?
Hawaii. Maui, to be more specific. F*^king love that island. We made a mistake one year and went to one of the smaller islands. It turned out to be a f*^king hippy commune island. So much so that we couldn't find any restaurants on the island that served beef. Or chicken. It was like a vegetarian island, for f*^k's sake. When we finally found a McDonald's, we were in heaven.

What would you like people to say about you after you die?
“He was an asshole!”

That's probably a pretty safe bet. Again, just kidding. What’s your favorite line from a book?
“There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened.” Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy


How did you create the plot for this book?
Considering that it's nonfiction, there isn't a plot per se. Just the ramblings of a complete idiot. I'm talking about me. I'm the idiot. Everyone smile and wave at the idiot.

Is your book based on real events?
Yes. I really do f*^king hate books. Well, I don't hate all books. That'd be silly. I hate books that suck.

One of your characters has just found out you’re about to kill him off. He decides to beat you to the punch. How would he kill you?
Put me through a wood chipper. Or nuke me from orbit. It's the only way to be sure.

With what five real people would you most like to be stuck in a bookstore?
Let's see, Ryan Gossling, Brad Pitt, Charlese Theron, Emma Watson, and Scarlett Johansen ... Just so I can stand there and drool.

I've never been a fan of bookstores. My wife used to drag me to them all the time, and I always ended up taking a nap in a stuffed chair until she was finished.

Well, that's just silly. Who are your favorite authors?
Douglas Adams, Edward Lee, Michael Lewis to name a few.


What book are you currently reading?
Horror Stories, by Jack Kilborn.

What’s one pet peeve you have when you read?
Finding errors. There are always errors, and it f*^king drives me nuts. I also hate it when I read something that's written in "British English," or the author's idea of British English. They misuse quotes, among other things.


Do you have a routine for writing?
I usually write first thing in the morning. Well, after breakfast. Because that way, it takes a priority.

Where and when do you prefer to do your writing?
At my desk. In my house. Where else? I don't understand those freaks that do their writing at Starbucks. What the f*^k is wrong with their house?

What’s the best compliment you’ve ever received about your writing?
“You're f*^king hilarious!” I love it when people actually understand what my book is about.

If you could be a ghostwriter for any famous author, who would you pick?
Stephen King. He needs a f*^king ghost writer, because his latest novels have sucked donkey balls.

What’s the hardest thing you’ve ever had to write?
Fiction can be a challenge for me, because I hate writing about normal people. You know, people that don't f*^king swear in every goddamn sentence. Every time I have to create one of those characters, it's a challenge. And it f*^king pisses me off. But, unfortunately, all characters can't be like me.

Where is your favorite library, and what do you love about it?
I hate libraries.

You can be any fictional character for one day. Who would you be? 
Zaphod Beeblebrox.

What’s the worst thing someone has said about your writing? How did you deal with it?
“Why are you so angry?” I told them that I'm not angry at all. I'm the happiest, most well-adjusted guy I know.

Why did you decide to self-publish?
Because, f*^k publishers! I'm sick and tired of submitting my s*^t to publishers. You know, one time I was so tired of rejections that I sent a letter to a publisher, with my manuscript, and a note that said something like, “F*^k you, man! You don't want to publish my book. Don't even f*^king look at it. Throw it in the motherf*^king trash. And after you've done that, go f*^k yourself.” Believe it or not, that submission actually got published. Apparently, telling a publisher to 'go f*^k yourself' is not something they see every day.

Go figure. Are you happy with your decision to self-publish?
Yes. My road to self-publish was a short one. I just woke up one day and decided, F*^k it. I'm just going to collect my reviews into a book and self-publish that s*^t. What's the worst that could happen?

If you self-published, what steps to publication did you personally do, and what did you hire someone to do? Is there anyone you’d recommend for a particular service? (e.g. formatting, cover art, editing…)
I wrote and formatted the book myself. The formatting being the hardest part. It was a royal pain in the ass to get it perfect for the Kindle format. The editing was done expertly by my wife. Didn't have to hire anyone for anything. A professional cover designer did offer her services to me for free, and she created some neat covers, but in the end, I, or actually my wife, decided that my original cover that I made myself was better.

What are you working on now?
The novel I'm currently working on is called Killing Every Day. It's about a guy who has just lost his wife to cancer. His whole life he's been holding in a monster. He's always wanted to kill people, but didn't want to upset his happy family life. Now, he's got nothing to lose, so he's going to kill someone every goddamn day. He's going to cause chaos in a small town, where there hasn't been a murder in over ten years.

About the author

Glenn Conley learned to hate books from a very early age. Because reading a book was homework and he absolutely hated homework. It wasn't until his early teens that he started reading for his own enjoyment. Now he writes horror and science fiction stories. And he's obsessed with writing brutally honest book reviews.

Connect with Glenn:
Website  |  Blog  |  Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Goodreads

Featured Author: Judi Culbertson

About the book:

For the first time in nearly twenty years, Delhi Laine’s family is whole. But that doesn’t mean everything is back to normal. With no proof to condemn her daughter’s kidnappers, Delhi’s family is forced to share Elisa with her “adopted” parents. But when they suddenly perish in a mysterious house fire, Elisa is heartbroken . . . and Delhi’s husband, Colin, is charged with their murder. Delhi knows it’s up to her to prove his innocence, but the deeper she digs, the more it becomes evident that nothing is as it seems. When Elisa goes missing, Delhi fears her nightmare may be repeating itself. If she can’t clear Colin’s name and find Elisa again, there may not be another chance. Twenty years ago she lost her daughter . . . if she fails now, she might lose everything — and everyone — she holds dear.

Guest Post: Playing Authors

            Have you always secretly known that you could write a wonderful novel if you only had the time? Now is the time. Rather, at your next party or family gathering your words can entertain and intrigue everyone around you. My family proves that every Thanksgiving when, after dinner, seven or eight of us gather in my brother’s living room and play the “First Line Game.” 

            The game goes like this: Everyone is equipped with a blank pad and pen. The first person chooses a book from the pile of paperback novels and mysteries that I have amassed cheaply  from thrift stores, and reads descriptive paragraphs on the back out loud.  Usually they need to do it twice. Then everyone else writes an opening sentence for the book.

            The sentences are turned in and read to the group by the first reader who has written out the real first sentence from the book and reads it along with the others. Then each person tries to guess the author’s opening line. When the votes are tallied, players get one point if identify it correctly. So do people whose made-up line is picked as the true one. It often comes down to a choice between trying to be authentic and being funny. The next person in the circle chooses a book and so on.

            Relaxed by turkey, a walk in the woods, and a few glasses of wine, people produce inspiring and often hilarious openings. For a cozy mystery set on the campus of Princeton University, New Jersey, someone at another gathering wrote, “Not all murders happen in Newark.” For a southern gothic romance, my husband contributed, “Up to her pretty neck in alligators, Samantha waded through the bayou, frantic to find the man of her dreams.”

            Spoiler alert: Neither of those lines was the real one.

            Genre books – mystery, romance, and fantasy – work best. Their colorful plots seem to inspire creativity and none of them begin “All happy families are alike.”

            Last year we tried poetry, supplying the last line of a stanza.  It didn’t work quite as well. This year it’s back to Samantha and the bayou.

About the author:

Judi Culbertson draws on her experience as a used-and-rare book dealer, social worker, and world traveler to create her bibliophile mysteries. No stranger to cemeteries, she also co-authored five illustrated guides with her husband, Tom Randall, starting with Permanent Parisians. She lives in Port Jefferson, New York, with her family.

Connect with the author:
Website  |  Goodreads

Featured Author: Dawn Eastman

About the book:

Here is the newest Family Fortune Mystery, starring former cop Clyde Fortune, who — snowbound with her kooky family in a creepy castle — is climbing the walls and combing the halls, looking for a cold-blooded killer . . .

After their flight to Mexico is cancelled, Clyde and her detective boyfriend, Mac, end up snowed in with their families at a supposedly haunted hotel. Clyde’s tarot card reading mother, Rose, is making dire predictions for the weekend, and self-proclaimed pet psychic Aunt Vi is enchanted by the legend of the hotel’s ghost — until the power goes out and a body turns up.

With a hotel full of stranded suspects, Clyde will have to draw on all her skills — both the police ones she’d rather forget and the psychic ones she’d rather ignore — to solve the bone-chilling mystery before someone else gets iced . . .

Interview with Dawn Eastman

Dawn, tell us about your series. Is this book a standalone, or do readers need to read the series in order?
The Family Fortune Mysteries are set in western Michigan in a small town called Crystal Haven. It’s a tourist town with a twist — the main attractions are the psychics, mediums, and tarot readers. My protagonist has returned to town after several years away and must navigate her family dynamics while struggling with her own psychic gifts. A cast of quirky humans and animals ensure that nothing runs smoothly.

They do not need to be read in order, but that is the way I personally like to read a series. That said, if I have done my job, a reader can get caught up pretty quickly by starting anywhere and then can go back to the earlier ones if they choose. A Fright to the Death particularly lends itself to being read out of order because the gang is stuck in a castle hotel so the setting and the supporting characters are new.

Where’s home for you?
Des Moines, Iowa is where I live. Michigan will always feel like home.

Where did you grow up?
All over the East Coast and then Michigan from age twelve through college.

What’s one thing that you wish you knew as a teenager that you know now?
It will all work out.

What choices in life would you like to have a redo on?
None, because each choice led to where I am today.

What makes you nervous?
Public speaking.

If you could only save one thing from your house, what would it be?
Assuming my husband, kids, and dog were safe, I’d grab my laptop.

If you could live anywhere in the world, where in the world would it be?
London.

What would you like people to say about you after you die?
She was kind.

What’s your favorite line from a book?
From Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: “Of course it is happening inside your head, Harry, but why on earth should that mean it is not real?”

Are any of your characters inspired by real people?
Seth is my protagonist’s nephew. He is loosely based on a younger version of my son.

What’s the best compliment you’ve ever received about your writing?
I’ve been so fortunate to have a very kind and vocal readership, so I have received many lovely compliments. The ones I like the most are when they say they stayed up all night reading, or that it made them laugh.

However, the compliment that most inspired me to keep writing happened in a college creative writing course. One of the other students was an amazing writer. I loved everything he shared with the class. When it came time to share my piece, his comment was, “I wish I’d written this.” It was a long time ago, and I don’t remember his name, but it stayed with me and kept me writing even when no one else was reading.

What are you working on now?
I am writing book 4 for the series. The Fortune Family is back in Crystal Haven. A zombie fun run and a Founder’s Day celebration bring lots of people into town, including Clyde’s elusive sister, Grace, and a few other suspicious characters. That book will be released in April 2016.

About the author

Dawn Eastman lived in Michigan for many years, in a house full of animals, unusual people, and laughter. She now lives in Iowa with her family and one extremely bossy small dog. She is the national bestselling author of The Family Fortune Mystery Series, which features psychics, animal communication, quirky characters and murders.

Connect with Dawn:
Website  |  Blog  |  Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Goodreads 

Featured Author: Julie Seedorf

About the book:

Granny may be retired as Fuchsia, Minnesota’s one-woman undercover sleuth for the Fuchsia Police Department, but that doesn’t mean she still doesn’t need a trusty weapon. Her weapon of choice, a pink snow shovel. When Granny runs over a dead body with her snowmobile, she unwittingly sets off a chain of events that involves mislabeled corpses, empty graves, and stolen money—lots of it! Who’s at the bottom of this years-old crime? Granny has an idea, but she has little time to investigate, when in just days she’s scheduled to marry the love of her life, Franklin Gatsby, in a post-Christmas ceremony. So, Granny decides to enlist the help of her friends and neighbors. Add in Christmas Holiday excitement and the arrival of Granny’s family, who are all there for her wedding, and mayhem ensues. Of course, Granny can always count on her many furry friends to provide her with moral support, but it’s quite possible that Granny—that is, Hermiony Vidalia Criony Fiddlestadt—has a secret or two of her own, which may very well be revealed as Granny Snows A Sneak.

Interview with Julie Seedorf

Julie, what’s the story behind the title Granny Snows A Sneak?
Granny Snows A Sneak takes place in winter. Granny always has a new weapon and what better weapon than a snow shovel and snow in the wintertime in Minnesota?

Sounds like a perfect weapon to me. Tell us about your series. Is this book a standalone, or do readers need to read the series in order?
My series is set in a fictional Minnesota town called Fuchsia, Minnesota. It is better to read them in order. Fuchsia is a community very different and not governed by the rules we have to live by in real life. Its rules are pure fantasy that would never work the way we live life today. Granny is an over the top older woman. She defies the rules of old age but I had a mother somewhat like her. Granny is finally living her life the way she has always wanted to live but society kept her from being who God created her to be. I never mention Granny’s age because I want my readers to put her at whatever age their imagination wants. Along with Granny are quirky neighbors, overly concerned family members, unusual murders and Fuchsia secrets that have never been told. Each book has clues for the mystery coming up in the next book. It may seem as if I forgot to tie some clues in with the current mystery, but that is the plan and the answers are found in the next mystery in the next book. Over the series more details about Hermiony Vidalia Fiddlestadt’s life is revealed along with the other citizens of Fuchsia. People will see eventually whys Granny is who she is, with a little fun and suspense along the way.

Where’s home for you? 
Home for me is rural Minnesota. Life is lived with the revolving seasons and changes in beauty and temperature along with the surrounding countryside of farms and lakes.

What’s the most valuable thing you’ve learned?
I have learned to laugh at myself and not take myself too seriously. It takes so much work to lift yourself out of sadness and depression and laughter is a gift. Also I have learned to take the time to really look at people and reach out and talk to someone new. I have made the best friends through chance encounters.

Who would you pick to write your biography?
I would choose my daughter to write my biography. She has great wisdom and would write with love, but also with honesty and clarity. She would see my soul but write about my mistakes with insight into how they shaped my life.

What’s one thing that you wish you knew as a teenager that you know now?
I wish I would have listened to my mother more and been more respectful.  She knew more than I gave her credit for. I never wanted to be like her when I was younger, but now I want her strength and tenacity and her courage. I wish I could tell her that and tell her I understand all she went through and what shaped her life.


What makes you bored?
I am very seldom bored. There are always so many things to do such as read a book, try a new craft, write, play with my cats, play with my grandchildren, hook up on social media, make something new out of something old. The list is endless.


What choices in life would you like to have a redo on?
The one thing I would redo in my life is to let myself be who God created me to be rather than let society influence me into wearing the masks of what is acceptable. In my old age I finally have let those expectations go and enjoy life so much more.

What makes you happy?
Making the choice to write as a full time career makes me happy. I didn’t realize how much I disliked what I was doing for the last 16 years until I gave it up. Now I feel as I am playing every day even if it might be feast or famine when it comes time to pay the bills. My children and grandchildren keep me smiling all the time.

What makes you scared?
I get scared when I see the disrespect in the world today and the impact of violence in a world where my grandchildren will have to live.

What’s one of your favorite quotes?
“In the hour of adversity be not without hope For crystal rain falls from black clouds.” -Persian Proverb
 I have it painted on my bathroom wall.

I love that! What would your main character say about you?
“You’ve got scrambled eggs for brains.” I stole that line from a review about one of my books, but Granny would say that. It wasn’t meant to be a compliment, it was supposed to be a bad review, one star, but I loved it, along with them comparing my writing to Dr. Suess. I like him too.

How did you create the plot for this book?
I never know until I start writing what is going to happen. A friend gave me the idea for Granny to spend some time in the cemetery. That idea came after we were all reminiscing about a real grave robber we had in my community in, I believe, the early 60’s. He wrote me a note and said, “This is a great idea for Granny.”

What’s the best compliment you’ve ever received about your writing?
I believe it came from Kate Eileen Shannon when she read Granny Snows A Sneak. This is part of what she said, “I've called this series before Lemony Snicket for adults and it still is.”

That's great! What’s the worst thing someone has said about your writing? How did you deal with it?
Besides having scrambled eggs for brains, most of the bad reviews have come from people that don’t understand the satire and humor of the book. They think it is too farfetched and too much fantasy. I understand that not everyone is going to like my writing. If you gave me a history book to read or a very graphic book I would not give it a good review, not because they weren’t good books but because it wasn’t my type of book. I probably wouldn’t review it at all because it wouldn’t be fair to the author.

Granny Snows A Sneak is published by Cozy Cat Press, but what steps in self-publication have you personally done, and what did you hire someone to do? Is there anyone you’d recommend for a particular service?
I have self-published my kids books the Granny’s In Trouble Series.  For those and my newest book, Something About Nothing under my label Hermiony Vidalia Books, I designed the covers and did my own uploading for the printing and e-process. My editor for Something About Nothing is D.A. Sarac, The Editing Pen, and I certainly would recommend her expertise.

What are you working on now?
I am working on the fourth book in the Fuchsia Minnesota series for Cozy Cat Press. It will be called Granny Forks A Fugitive.

About the author

Julie Seedorf is a Minnesotan. She calls dinner - supper, and lunch - dinner. She has had many careers over her lifetime but her favorite career was that as mother to her children. In later life she became a computer technician, opening her own business. In 2012, Julie signed a contract with Cozy Cat Press for her Fuchsia, Minnesota series. Books included in that series are Granny Hooks a Crook, Granny Skewers A Scoundrel and released in November 2014, Granny Snows A Sneak. Closing her computer business in January 2014, Julie has transitioned to becoming a full-time writer adding free-lance work for various newspapers, along with continuing her column "Something About Nothing" which is now in book form, in a book of the same name, released in early 2015. Her children's series, Granny's In Trouble, gives her grandkids a hint of the young Grandma underneath the wrinkles. Her books are light and fluffy and highlight the fact that in the midst of life we have to find the humor in bad situations to keep us going. "We all take ourselves too seriously and we need to have a little fun.” Julie secretly yearns to be like the Granny characters in her books. Julie's serious side is revealed in a story included in the newly released book, We Go On – Charity Anthology for Veterans, where the proceeds will go to Veteran's Charities.

Connect with Julie:
Website  |  Blog  |  Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Goodreads 

Character Interview with Pamela Fagan Hutchins' Emily Bernal

About the character

Disgraced paralegal and former rodeo queen Emily Bernal moves back in with her very conservative, religious mother in her West Texas hometown when her husband cleans out their bank accounts and cheats on her with another woman, who turns out to be a man. Broke and desperate, she resists going to work for sexy criminal attorney Jack Holden, at first, until she learns his illegal immigrant client’s six-year-old daughter is missing. Emily becomes obsessed with finding the girl and tracks her through a trail of dead bodies across two states.

Interview with Emily from Heavens to Betsy

Emily, how did you first meet Pamela?
Pamela and I met when she wrote about my friend, Katie Kovacs. I thought she nailed Katie, although, at the time, Katie was super embarrassed about having her whole humiliating life made fodder for the reading public. Alcoholism, totally blowing a celebrity trial in Dallas, and getting rejected big time by the man she was in love with. It was some heavy stuff, but funny. I never told Katie how hard I laughed reading it, so let’s keep that our little secret.

Deal. Want to dish about Pamela?
I can suddenly understand where Katie was coming from about Pamela now. I tried to move back home and put my past behind me, and suddenly I’m reading about Rich and his transvestite lover Stormy and me, and I just know people think I’m the world’s biggest idiot not to have seen it coming. And living with my mother, who thinks she’s the Church Lady but looks more like an aging stripper. It’s all a little much when everyone’s talking about you like that, you know?

Did you ever think that your life would end up being in a book?
The only way I thought I’d be in a book was if I made it on the professional rodeo circuit. I rodeoed all through college, and I won the Southwest Conference in barrel racing my senior year, and my dad was a professional rodeo cowboy. But Dad ran off when I was a teenager, and when Rich asked me to marry him, I gave up rodeo. So who would want to write a book about a paralegal? Because that’s what I became. B-O-R-I-N-G. Or so I thought, until I went to work for Jack.

Tell us about your favorite scene in the book.
I’ll have to tell you about my second favorite, because my favorite would be a spoiler for the ending. In my second favorite scene, my high school nemesis turned Assistant District Attorney, the annoyingly perfect Melinda Stafford, confronts me about the wrong thing at the wrong time, and I swear it was the meds I was on, but POW, I popped her one, fist to the jaw. My new best friend Wallace—he’s a CPS investigator, and gay, which isn’t easy in West Texas—nearly died. I’d wanted to do that since I was twelve.

Did you have a hard time convincing your author to write any particular scenes for you?
I had this one really awesome night with my boss Jack, before I messed up the relationship by spending time with someone he was jealous of. Pamela thought that was a little too private, but once I told her I fell asleep before he could get his boots off, she was OK with it. But we made out like crazy before then, and after I regained consciousness. In my defense, I had been pregnant, so I hadn’t had a thing to drink in awhile.

What do you like to do when you are not being actively read somewhere?
I love my job. I always thought criminal law was kind of smarmy, but Jack makes it sexy. We really help people, you know? It’s really more about constitutional law when you think about due process, right to a trial by jury, and all that other constitution stuff. Well, that, and what politician is spending the night with prostitutes and which wealthy business has a kleptomaniac for a wife.

Juicy stuff! Tell the truth. What do you think of your fellow characters?
When I first met Jack, I didn’t like him much, but he grew on me, to say the least. And I always liked his killer dimple. Wallace, I adore. Nadine, who waits tables at a Thai restaurant by day and slings drinks at a gentleman’s club by night, is the BOMB. She’s a biker chick at heart but a mother and a volunteer for underprivileged kids. I’m pretty lucky when it comes to my fellow characters.



What impression do you make on people when they first meet you? 
People think I’m a dumb blonde at first, but they get over it pretty quickly.

How about after they've known you for a while?
Once they’ve known me awhile, they figure out that I’m the one they want to have around in a fight, or when somebody needs to do something, although the somethings I choose are occasionally in legally gray areas. I get things done.

What's the worst thing that's happened in your life? What did you learn from it?
My dad left us when I was sixteen. He was my hero. For the first few years, he still called and wrote and sent birthday and Christmas presents. Then, when I turned twenty-two, he disappeared for good. I’ve never heard from him since. What have I learned? Well, between him leaving and my husband leaving, I’ve learned that I have to rely on myself. And that I can. I’m a lot stronger than most people think.



What are you most afraid of?
It hurts to even talk about it, but I’m most afraid of not having children. I’m thirty, unmarried, and no children.

What do you like best about Jack, your boss? Least?
I love Jack’s discretion and loyalty, and how he looks in his jeans. I adore his lopsided smile and the way he gets a dimple on the left side of his face when he raises his left eyebrow. I cannot stand the way the man cannot answer a simple question with a straight answer to save his life. And I absolutely hate how discreet and private he is. But those jeans and the left side of his face make up for it.


Does he have a brother you could introduce me to? If your story were a movie, who would play you?
Emma Stone, for sure.

Describe the town where you live.
Windy. Smells like cows. Gets as much snow as most of Colorado. Home of the American Quarter Horse Museum. In the heart of Friday Night Lights fever. Big enough to lull you into complacency and small enough that you run into your high school boyfriend at the gas station. And the absolute nicest people you’ll meet anywhere in the entire world.

Will you encourage your author to write a sequel?
I don’t think I have a choice in the matter — she’s already written one and is on a third! She promises after that she’s done. I will just have to try really, really hard not to do anything worth writing about. To her credit, some amazing things happened to me. In Heaven to Betsy, our client, Sofia, was murdered in jail, orphaning her missing daughter. They had both emigrated illegally from Mexico, and no one seemed to care about finding the girl but me. Then in Earth to Emily, two teenage runaways witnessed the murder of a truck driver and turned to me for help, throwing me into a world of interstate trafficking of stolen goods and dirty cops. And in Hell to Pay, a militant religious group is targeting people and businesses to ruin, and our client gets in the way. Really, my life isn’t usually this exciting. Or at least it wasn’t until I met Jack.

About the author

Pamela Fagan Hutchins writes award-winning and bestselling romantic mysteries and hilarious nonfiction, and moonlights as a workplace investigator and employment attorney. She is passionate about great writing, smart authorpreneurship, and her two household hunks, husband Eric and one-eyed Boston terrier Petey. She also leaps medium-tall buildings in a single bound, if she gets a good running start.

If you like Sandra Brown or Janet Evanovich for fiction or Erma Bombeck for nonfiction, you're going to love Pamela.



Connect with Pamela
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Featured Author: Annette Dashofy

About the book

Paramedic Zoe Chambers is used to saving lives, but when she stops a man from running into a raging inferno in a futile attempt to rescue his wife, Zoe finds herself drawn to him, and even more so to his ten-year-old daughter. She invites them both to live at the farm while the grieving widower picks up the pieces of his life.

Vance Township Police Chief Pete Adams, of course, is not happy with this setup, especially when he finds evidence implicating Zoe's new houseguest in murder times two. When Zoe ignores Pete's dire warnings, she runs the very real chance of burning one too many bridges, losing everything--and everyone--she holds dear.

Interview with Annette Dashofy


Annette, what’s the story behind the title Bridges Burned?
Besides the obvious series of fires that take place in the story, several of the characters cross lines that may or may not burn some bridges behind them. I’d been toying with variations of Burned Bridges, Burning Bridges, etc., when one of my critique partners, Jeff Boarts, who we tease because he frequently breaks into Yoga-Speak, suggested flopping the title around. I loved it and so did my editor. Hence: Bridges Burned.

Tell us about your series. Is this book a standalone, or do readers need to read the series in order?
The Zoe Chambers mystery series is set in rural southwestern Pennsylvania. Zoe is a paramedic and deputy coroner which places her in the heart of the action, dealing with life and death. She has a sort-of love interest with Pete Adams, a Pittsburgh police officer turned small town chief of police. While there are threads (such as the Pete/Zoe relationship) that continues and grows throughout the series, the books can be read out of order without the reader becoming lost.

Where did you grow up?
I grew up in southwestern Pennsylvania on a farm very much like the one where Zoe lives. In fact, I still live on ten acres of what used to be my grandparents’ 150 acre dairy farm.

What do you love about where you live?
I love being surrounded on three sides by nothing but pasture and woods. Living a half hour’s drive from anywhere worth going can be an inconvenience, but after spending time in the city, I need that drive to decompress. I’ll always be a farm girl at heart.



Have you been in any natural disasters?
Only if you consider the flood created by Hurricane Ivan. We’re well inland, so we didn’t get the brunt of the storm, but I sat in my house watching our little creek, which is ordinarily about three-feet across and a couple hundred yards behind my house, turn into a raging river that tore out all our fences and came within twenty-five feet or so from my back door. Our road was washed out both north and south of us, so if I’d had to evacuate, I wouldn’t have been able to drive out.


What makes you excited?
An invitation by one of my horsey friends to go riding! Hint hint.

How did you meet your husband?
I was working at a local western shop and he was one of those guys who comes in and picks up the salesgirls!

Was it love at first site?
Honestly, no. After our first date, I remember telling my mom I liked him as someone to hang out with, but didn’t think it would become anything serious. That was thirty-five years ago!

If you could only save one thing from your house, what would it be?
My cat. Provided my husband was okay. Or maybe I’d give him the cat and I’d grab my laptop!

Would you rather be a lonely genius, or a sociable idiot?
Ha! I’m an introvert, so “sociable” isn’t a great draw. Definitely a lonely genius!

If you could live anywhere in the world, where in the world would it be?
New Mexico. Or Colorado. I grew up watching westerns with my dad and fell in love with the “wild west.” I finally traveled there a couple of years ago and, like John Denver’s song, Rocky Mountain High, I felt like I was “coming home to a place I’d never been before.” I went back last fall and am planning a third trip.

How did you create the plot for this book?
There had been a natural gas explosion near here and sadly, a young girl died in the fire. Early news reports suggested the explosion and death hadn’t been accidental. Those reports were quickly proven false, but they made me wonder, what if . . . After some research, I had my story.

Who are your favorite authors?
Craig Johnson, Julia Spencer-Fleming, Hank Phillippi-Ryan, and Lisa Scottoline. Not in any particular order.


What book are you currently reading and in what format (e-book/paperback/hardcover)? I’m currently reading my fellow Agatha Award nominees for Best First Novel. I read Finding Sky by Susan O’Brien on my Nook, and I have Tracy Weber’s Murder Strikes a Pose on my e-reader, too. I’m reading the paperbacks of Tagged for Death by Sherry Harris and Well Read, Then Dead by Terrie Farley Moran.


Do you have a routine for writing?
I wish. My “dream” routine, which happens about once, maybe twice a week, is to write all morning, then spend the afternoon on other writing business or promotional stuff. But more often than not, I have to spend the day with my mom, so I do an early morning writing “sprint,” just to keep the forward progress going.

Where and when do you prefer to do your writing?
As I mentioned, I usually prefer to write in the morning. I have an office in my home where I’m most productive, but my husband and I have a small camp on the Youghiogheny River in Confluence, PA. During weekends in April through September, he fly fishes all day and I write. Since I don’t have any other obligations when we’re there, I get a LOT of work done.

What’s the best compliment you’ve ever received about your writing?
An older gentlemen recently emailed and told me, like Pete, he’d fallen in love with Zoe! That was just about the sweetest thing any fan has ever said to me!

That is a great compliment! Where is your favorite library, and what do you love about it?
My little local library, because my folks took me there as a youngster. It was in that small building that I discovered my love of books and of writing. Mom always thought I’d become a librarian, but I took a similar, but different path!

What would your dream office look like?
Oh, great question. My current office is small and cluttered. I would love one with lots of storage space and even more bookshelves with a neat desk and the one thing I don’t have right now—a comfortable reading corner IN my office.

Why did you decide to publish with Henery Press?
I’d been trying the agent route for a number of years. I had two different agents for another series, which didn’t sell, and parted company with both of them. I was at that point of constantly hearing “she’s on the cusp of being published,” but couldn’t quite make it happen. I finally decided, after over ten years of beating my head on the publishing wall, to give myself some deadlines. I would query Circle of Influence to agents for six months. If nothing happened, I would shop it around to some presses. If still nothing happened, I was going to self publish it . . . and probably give in to my husband’s nagging to get a real job. No agents showed any interest, but ten days after I submitted to Henery Press, they offered me a three-book contract. I’ve loved every moment with them.

What are you working on now?
Bridges Burned is the third of that three-book contract, but I’ve since signed with Henery Press for three more Zoe Chambers mysteries. I’m currently working on the fourth in the series.

About the author

Annette Dashofy is the Agatha nominated and USA Today best selling author of the Zoe Chambers mystery series about a paramedic and deputy coroner in rural Pennsylvania’s tight-knit Vance Township. Circle of Influence (Henery Press) was published in March 2014, followed by Lost Legacy, which was released in September 2014, and Bridges Burned, available in April 2015. Her short fiction includes a 2007 Derringer Award nominee featuring the same characters as her novels.

Connect with Annette:
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Featured Author: Amelia Ford

About the book:

“His terminology struck me as odd and then I realised he was talking about Toby. I snatched my hand from his and the hairs on the back of my neck stood up like the hackles on a dog. The unease I felt when I first saw him returned…” 

The day after the first anniversary of her sister’s death, twenty six year old Sophie McAllister is paid an unexpected visit from a handsome stranger who delivers some disturbing news about her eight year old nephew and ward. Just when Sophie thought her life was getting back on track, she is forced to put her trust in a man with an extraordinary secret. She begins a perilous journey that not only threatens everything she holds dear, but also challenges her innermost fears. Does Sophie have the courage to defy her enemies, face her fears and open her heart to a man who promises a future that is out of this world? 

A captivating love story about one woman’s struggle to protect, let go and love.

Interview with Amelia Ford

Amelia, how long have you been writing, and how did you start?
I'm a sucker for a romance but it has to have a good storyline, strong characters, and have that page-turning quality. About three years ago I was struggling to find something that fit this bill, so I decided to have a go at writing the kind of book I like to read.  I was teaching at the time, and although I had written academic stuff, it was my first foray into fiction. Little did I know that I was about to embark on the most exciting, addictive and satisfying journey, the likes of which cannot be found in any kind of travel brochure! I soon learnt that by exploring my imagination anything was possible. It was a huge turning-point in my life, Tagan's Child was born, and I was hooked!

Tell us about your series. Is this book a standalone, or do readers need to read the series in order?
There are two books in the series, and currently I have no plans to write a third. I hadn't planned to write the sequel to Tagan's Child just yet, but the response from readers was so overwhelming that I knew I had to continue Ahran and Sophie's story. 

Do you have another job outside of writing?
I am a full-time mum.

Hardest job in the world! What’s your favorite line from a book?
"Harry – yer a wizard." The most defining words in modern literature. 

How do you get to know your characters?
The more I write about them, the more they grow. It's not really something I have any control over.

Are any of your characters inspired by real people?
My characters are drawn from lots of people. A little bit here from someone, a little bit there from someone else. Family, friends, a chance meeting. No one is safe ;)

I hear you. A writer is constantly watching. What song would you pick to go with your book?
A reader recommended "Sledgehammer" by Fifth Harmony. I love this, and it describes Sophie's feelings so well.

Who are your favorite authors?

C.S Lewis, Roald Dahl, JK Rowling, Mario Puzo, and Alexander Dumas.

What book are you currently reading and in what format (e-book/paperback/hardcover)?
The Three Musketeers by Dumas. I'm reading it on my Kindle.

What’s one pet peeve you have when you read?
Poor writing.


Do you have a routine for writing?
It's hard to have a routine with a family, I just write whenever I can.

Where’s home for you?
I live in rural Kent, just outside Canterbury in the UK.

What do you love about where you live?
It's green, it's peaceful and it's teaming with wildlife.


What makes you scared?
Heights.

What makes you excited?
Anticipating spending time with my friends.

How did you meet your husband? Was it love at first sight?
We met at school when we were 18. And yes, it was pretty much love at first sight.

Why did you decide to self-publish?
I didn't want to be tied to any deadlines, and I wanted control of my book. Am I a control freak? Probably.

What’s one of your favorite quotes?
"The magic is in you, there ain't no crystal ball." – Dolly Parton.

What do you like to do when you’re not writing?
Play with my kids and their ponies.

What are you working on now?
I'm working on the sequel to Tagan's Child called Tagan's Legacy, which will be released in the Fall. And then I shall finish another story I've started.

Excerpt from Tagan's Child

“Goodnight lovely boy.” I stroked the side of my eight-year-old nephew’s pale face, noticing the purplish smudges under his eyes caused by a day of crying. I tucked his duvet in around his shoulders. “Your mummy would be so proud of you. I’m so proud of you, it’s been a difficult day and you’ve coped with it so well.”

“I miss her, Auntie Sophie.” His voice wobbled and I watched a tear roll down each cheek.  My heart went out to him.  There had been times today when my grief had threatened to engulf me, and yet in spite of his tears and his own grief he had tried to be my pillar of strength. 

“Come here.” I gathered him in my arms and he began to sob quietly into my shoulder.

It was the first anniversary of Katie’s death. A year ago today her life had been snuffed out on a lane just outside our village when her car had skidded on a patch of ice causing her to lose control and nose-dive into a ditch. She suffered fatal head injuries.  It was the tragic end of a young woman’s life, the end of a doting mother and the end of my very special sister.

“I know you miss her, my darling, I miss her too.” My throat constricted. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath willing my tears to stay put. The pain my sister’s death had caused could only be matched by the pain I felt for my nephew’s loss. No child should ever have to suffer the death of their mother.

Toby took a shuddering breath. “Do you think she can see us?” He wiped his eyes.

“I’m sure she can.” I gave him a reassuring squeeze. I sat back and put my hands on his shoulders. “Your mummy is with you every second of every day, watching over you, watching you grow into a clever, funny, and wonderful young man.”

He gave me a weak smile. 

“She loves you and is counting on you to hold your head up high and be brave.”

He sat up a little straighter and wiped his nose on the sleeve of his pyjamas. “I mustn’t let her down must I?”

His look of fragile determination swelled my heart. “You could never let her down.”

He was a handsome little boy, tall and muscular for an eight year old with a natural talent for sport and a distinct phobia of hairdressers.

I brushed a curl away from his right eye. I felt a desperate urge to reassure him and let him know he wasn’t alone. “I want you to know that I’ll always be here for you. I may not be your mummy but I will always look after you and keep you safe as if I were.”

Toby nodded and his bottom lip trembled.

I wasn’t sure I could hold it together for much longer. I got to my feet. “It’s getting late and you’ve got school tomorrow.”

I said this maybe a little too brusquely as I struggled to hold back the tears. I needed to go downstairs and bury myself in the sofa so Toby couldn’t hear my sobs. But not before I had made a significant dent in the bottle of rosé chilling in the fridge.

I stood up and switched the lamp off beside his bed. 

“I love you, Auntie Sophie.” 

“I love you too,” I said, swallowing back the lump in my throat. I bent down and gave him a kiss on the cheek. “Sleep tight and see you in the morning.”

I made my way down to the kitchen taking a deep breath and exhaling slowly in the hope that it would ease the pain lodged in my chest. It had been a tough day and I felt sad and wrung out.  I knew that Toby would be asleep in a matter of minutes. I, on the other hand, would struggle to find any respite in sleep until the early hours of tomorrow morning.  Insomnia had become my new best friend since Katie’s death.  Why was it that, as an adult, I had lost that ability to switch off? I envied that about children.

I let Toby’s dog, a Weimaraner called Mungo, out for a last wee before retrieving the bottle of wine from the fridge. All I wanted to do now was curl up on the sofa and cry until I couldn’t cry anymore. I made my way into the lounge and poured myself a glass of wine. I downed it and stared into the fire roaring in the log burner.  My tears began to fall. I put my glass on the coffee table and buried my face in the cushions. I sobbed for my sister and the future she would never have, for Toby who would never feel his mother’s comforting arms around him again, and for myself, who felt the loss of Katie so keenly that it had been a constant weight tugging at my heart over the last twelve months. 

Eventually, my tears subsided and my grief was reduced to dry, chest heaving sobs.  Despite feeling exhausted, I knew if I went to bed now I would only lie there, staring at the ceiling in the dark. I scoured the sitting room for my Kindle. The days I could cope with, I could keep busy and push the shadows of grief to the background, but it was the nights I struggled with most when the house was quiet and dark. Darkness only seemed to emphasise my sadness and fear.

About the author

Tagan's Child is Amelia Ford's first novel. She lives in Kent, UK with her husband, three children and a variety of furry and feathered friends.

Connect with Amelia:
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