Thursday, January 3, 2013

Excerpt from Click: An Online Love Story

About the book:

Fast approaching her 30th birthday and finding herself not married, not dating, and without even a prospect or a house full of cats, Renee Greene, the heroine of Click: An Online Love Story, reluctantly joins her best guy pal on a journey to find love online in Los Angeles. The story unfolds through a series of emails between Renee and her best friends (anal-compulsive Mark, the overly-judgmental Ashley, and the over-sexed Shelley) as well as the gentlemen suitors she meets online. From the guy who starts every story with "My buddies and I were out drinking one night," to the egotistical "B" celebrity looking for someone to stroke his ego, Renee endures her share of hilarious and heinous cyber dates. Fraught with BCC's, FWD's and inadvertent Reply to All's, readers will root for Renee to "click" with the right man.

Excerpt from Chapter Two

From:’Chiam22 – January 14, 2011 – 5:54 AM
Subject:  Shalom

Shalom, PRGal1981.  Don’t know your real name…yet :) 

You seem like a really smart and interesting person and I think we would have a lot in common.  I’m originally from New York – Queens to be specific – but made Alliyah to Israel a little more than 8 years ago.  I had visited when I was 13 for my Bar Mitzvah and felt a spiritual connection to the land and to my people. So, when an opportunity came up to transfer from the Internet company I worked for to the Tel Aviv office, I jumped at it.  When the Internet boom went bust, so did my job.  But I decided to stay and found work as a computer engineer for a software developer. 

I live in Tel Aviv and am looking for a spiritual woman to share a Jewish life with.

From:  Renee Greene – January 14, 2011 – 9:04 AM
To:  Shelley Manning
Subject:  Fwd: Shalom

Okay, so I sent my profile in last night and thought I would take a chance that someone emailed me this morning.  Yes, I know that seems egotistical thinking that someone would email me so quickly after my profile was posted.  And considering it didn’t officially go online until 1:00 am, I’m not sure I want to date anyone who was trolling the Internet for a date in the wee hours of the morning.  But, to be honest, I’m kind of excited about the possibilities.  Imagine that.  Me…being hopeful.  Who knew?  Anyway, I was elated – yes, elated – to find I had a message.  Hurrah!  Then I read it.  He is very religious, is looking for a “spiritual” woman and lives in Israel.  Good lord!  (HA! Maybe that does indeed make me “spiritual” enough for this guy.)  Israel!!! 

Okay, don’t get me wrong.  I have nothing against Israel.  I am one of the Chosen People after all.  And, apparently “chosen” in more ways than one, huh?  But do you picture me living in an area where 1) Most people take the bus – I’m from LA for goodness sake, where we LIVE in our cars.  In fact, I have this theory that no one walks in LA.  But, we all own treadmills.  So, even though it is nice all year long, we won’t walk outside.  We’d rather walk in our houses.  But, I digress.  Back to what’s important here: 2) These buses blow up into fiery messes; 3) And speaking of fiery messes, it is hot in Israel. Yes, yes.  It’s a dry heat.  But you know what?  A blast furnace is a dry heat.  But it’s still HOT and I wouldn’t want to live in it.  Yeah, right.  Like I’m going to start a relationship with some man in Israel.

And, he is so intense about Judaism.  I haven’t been to temple since my nephew’s baby naming three years ago.  Oh, this would NEVER work.  NEVER.

So, how do I get out of this?  Do I ignore his message?  Do I email back and say thanks but no thanks?  Yikes!  I’m not sure what to do? 

From:  Shelley Manning – January 14, 2011 – 10:45 AM
To:  Renee Greene
Subject:  Re: Fwd: Shalom

Step 1.  Revise your profile.  No spiritual junkies or out of towners accepted. 
Step 2.  Email him back and tell him you are not interested in a long distance thing. 
Step 3.  Laugh your ass off.  He obviously does NOT know you. 

Okay.  So this one isn’t going to work out.  But, to your point, it’s only been a few hours.  And, in this man’s defense, it’s probably not 1:00 am his time.  It’s like two days later and early evening or something.  So, it is flattering that he thinks you are the funny, smart and…okay, maybe not “spiritual” but certainly awesome…person that you really are.  You’re going to get a TON of emails and have your pick of tons of great guys.  Just you wait.  Trust me.

Speaking of great guy, going out again with The Cuddler tonight.  Hoping to break him of his bad habits.  I’m willing to use force if necessary.  Hope he likes it rough ;)  Gotta run. Evil corporate trolls demanding reports.  Call me tonight.  Mwah! Mwah!

From: – January 14, 2011 – 11:30 AM
To: L’Chiam22
Bcc:  Shelley Manning
Subject:  Shalom back

Dear L’Chiam22.  Thank you very much for your nice email.  I must confess yours is the first email I’ve received.  It’s quite flattering, especially to have someone from so far away take an interest.  Thank you.  But, I also must confess that I’m looking to meet someone local.  So, best of luck in meeting that woman of your dreams.  I’m sure she’s out there. 

From:  Shelley Manning – January 14, 2011 – 11:34 AM
To:  Renee Greene
Subject:  Re: Shalom back

Nicely done, sweetie.  Ever the diplomat. 

From:  Renee Greene – January 14, 2011 – 11:47 AM
To:  Shelley Manning
Subject:  Re: Shalom back

It’s so much easier to reject someone over the Internet than in real life.  Score one for online dating!

About the author:

Lisa Becker had endured her share of hilarious and heinous cyber dates, many of which inspired Click: An Online Love Story and Double Click.  She is now happily married to a wonderful man she met online and lives in Manhattan Beach with him and their two daughters.  So, if it happened for her, there’s hope for you!

Follow Lisa on Facebook here
Buy Click on Amazon