Monday, April 20, 2015

Featured Author: John Forelli

About the book

When Ray Ality arrives for a job interview at Simulations Inc. he's immediately drawn to Delilah, the cute receptionist. Only one problem: she's engaged.

Ray soon concocts a plan to win Delilah over, as he and his new eccentric coworker Bob use the company's software in an attempt to simulate the process of courting her. Ray soon discovers that the simulations aren't exactly what he expected, and as he sinks deeper into virtual reality it becomes harder to distinguish real life from the imaginary.
This novel is Office Space meets The Matrix--an existential discourse told among keyboards and cubicles.

Interview with John Forelli

John, what's the story behind the title of your The Simulations?
It's pretty simple. The main character uses the computer game "The Sims" in order to simulate courting a woman he works with.

Where's home for you?
Philadelphia. Land of Yeungling and cheesesteaks.

Where did you grow up?
South Jersey. A little town called Somerdale.

What's the dumbest purchase you've ever made?
That last shot of Jameson Saturday night.

What's the most valuable thing you've learned?
That nothing worth learning can ever be taught.

Who would you pick to write your biography?

Either Khalil Gibran or Jonathan Nolan. If you've never read The Prophet, go do it right now (after you've bought my book). It'll take less than an hour and change your life.

What dumb things did you do during your college years?
Jenn, that one night. 

Have you been in any natural disasters?
Only if my fifth grade haircut counts.

I'll count it. What is the most daring thing you've done (besides get that fifth grad haircut)?
Walked up to a woman at a bar and bet her I could get her to kiss me in less than a minute. 

Well, who won? We both did.

What is the stupidest thing you've ever done?

Hopefully not deciding to do this interview.

What's one thing that you wish you knew as a teenager that you know now?
This quote by Oscar Wilde: “You'll care less about what other people think when you realize how seldom they do.”

What makes you bored?
People who talk when they have nothing to say. 

What choices in life would you like to have a redo on?

None. Our “mistakes” make us the people we are just as much as our successes, and if you're happy in the present (which I am), there's never any reason for regret.

If someone gave you $5,000 and said you must solve a problem, what would you do with the money?
Hire someone to frame Donald Trump for murder. 

I’m not sure $5,000 would do it, but it would be worth a try.

What makes you nervous?
Ruben Amaro's continued employment as General Manager of the Phillies. 

What makes you happy?
The thought of Ruben Amaro's firing from the Phillies.

Yikes. I take it you’re a Phillies fan. Who else are you?
I ask myself this all the time. When I find out I'll let you know.

How did you meet your spouse?
I'm not married. God help the poor woman who ends up being the answer to this question.
She would definitely have to have a sense of humor.

Would you rather be a lonely genius, or a sociable idiot?

Lonely genius, without a doubt. I'd rather have tremendous insights into the wonder and beauty of the world and be unable to share it with anyone than have friends but be oblivious to it all.

What's one of your favorite quotes?
“Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.” -Lincoln

If you could live anywhere in the world, where in the world would it be?
Next to Kate Upton, wherever she is.

What would you like people to say about you after you die?
Like George Costanza, I don't want to be remembered. I want to be forgotten.

What's your favorite line from a book?
“It was but yesterday we met in a dream.
You have sung to me in my aloneness, and I of your longings have built a tower in the sky.
But now our sleep has fled and our dream is over, and it is no longer dawn.
The noontide is upon us and our half waking has turned to fuller day, and we must part.
If in the twilight of memory we should meet once more, we shall speak again together and you shall sing to me a deeper song.
And if our hands should meet in another dream, we shall build another tower in the sky.”
-Khalil Gibran, The Prophet

Well, that's several lines, but okay. Are any of your characters inspired by real people?
The character “Bob” is inspired by my high-school friend Bob. Inspired is actually understating it. They're practically the same person.

One of your characters has just found out you're about to kill him off. He/she decides to beat you to the punch. How would he kill you?
Tell me the Eagles won't win a Super Bowl before I die. I'd commit suicide in an instant.

With what five real people would you most like to be stuck in a bookstore?
Ernest Hemingway, Jesus, Christopher Nolan, Buddha, and Kate Upton.

Who are your favorite authors?

Hemingway, Khalil Gibran, and Ayn Rand.

What book are you currently reading and in what format (e-book/paperback/hardcover)?
Live From New York: An Uncensored History of Saturday Night Live, by Tom Shales and James Andrew Miller.

About the author

John began writing when he was 7 years old and needed to forge a note to get him out of detention. The quality of his writing has only gone downhill from there.

John lives in Philadelphia, and when he's not yelling barely comprehensible obscenities at young children, he's probably eating a cheesesteak.

Connect with John:
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