FEATURED AUTHOR: KIRK ZUROSKY

 

ABOUT VOLUME 1: MY EX-WIFE SAID GO TO HELL

Sirius Sinister keeps sleeping with the wrong women. And this time, it’s led to his imprisonment in Hell. Literal Hell. Immortal vampire assassin Sirius Sinister has a healthy libido that constantly results in bad relationship decisions. But when he’s served divorce papers by Bloodsucker Number One—a shady woman from his past—he realizes there’s a major problem: he was never even married to her, or so he thought. Regardless of the truth, Sirius is put under the jurisdiction of Immortal Divorce Court. You would think by now he’d know having sex can lead to horrific consequences like marriage, children, and ex-wives—but some habits just won’t die. Leaving his faithful vampire Maltese, Garlic, behind, Sirius travels to court to defend himself with the help of his demon attorney, Maximillian Justice. Unfortunately, the trial quickly spirals out of control, and Sirius is banished to hell for a hundred years. When Sirius finally escapes, he ends up in the Caribbean where he meets his next paramour: the Howler. After a wild romp with his new werewolf lover under the lure of a full blood moon, he finds himself becoming the father of a litter of pups—but, the Howler and her Pack want to put the dead in deadbeat dad. Luckily, Sirius is saved by the Queen of the Merfolk, who comes with a hidden agenda even as they fall in love. Can he make it work with the Queen, or will he have to head to Immortal Divorce Court once again as yet another relationship flounders? For all those who have nursed a broken heart—or a vengeful one—Immortal Divorce Court Volume 1 is a sexy, exciting debut and the start of a hellishly fun new series about the flawed antihero Sirius Sinister.

ABOUT VOLUME 2: A SIRIUS EDUCATION

Sirius Sinister has always been a bit of a know-it-all, but in order to save the world, he’s going to need a serious education!

The Lady of the Underworld has cast Sirius Sinister out of her fiery realm and into the icy Himalayas to teach him a lesson in humility. Hades can be a real bitch, but self-doubt is even worse. It’s here that Sirius and his vampire Maltese, Garlic, battle for their immortal lives against menacing wolves and crazed snow demons.

After leaving the mountains, Hedley Edrick, the Master of Masters, leads Sirius to the Queen, but their reunion is quickly interrupted by some murderous merfolk. Escaping to the House of Indigo, Hedley informs Sirius about the mystical Seven Sacred Relics, and warns him that the forces of evil will gain limitless power if they get their hands on them. Sirius wants a life of sunshine, rainbows, and glitter for his daughters, so there’s no way he’s going to let unspeakable evil muck that up!

To prepare for a battle over the Relics, Hedley sends Sirius to Florence, Italy to be enlightened by the incomparable, rainbow-haired bookworm, Knowledge. After gaining an impressive education, a spot on the faculty at the College of Immortals opens up, which Sirius happily accepts. It’s not long before he realizes that simultaneously teaching young immortals, balancing parenthood, and taking on the forces of evil is a test the world cannot afford him to fail.

In Immortal Divorce Court Volume 2: A Sirius Education, the story of Earth’s most notorious vampire continues with adventure and intensity, as Sirius Sinister seeks the answers to the questions that plague him. Can Hedley Edrick, the Master of Masters really be trusted? Or is he simply using Sirius as a pawn in a much more dangerous game? And, perhaps most troubling of all—will Sirius ever be comfortable with his daughters dating? 




LOVE IT OR LEAVE IT WITH KIRK ZUROSKY

A few of your favorite things: traveling the world with my wife Susie, enjoying the conversations with folks we meet along the way, and eating the local food and drinking the local wine.  
Things you need to throw out: those boxes in the attic I keep telling myself I am going to throw out.


Things you need in order to write: to be inspired, have an idea of what I want to write, and absolute quiet.
Things that hamper your writing: if my mind is focused on other things, or I am not in a creative mood, it is really hard to get started sometimes.  But, usually once I do, I can get into the scene of what I am writing.


Things you love about writing: sharing a piece of myself with the world, and the thrill of coming up with things that challenge my characters, and amuse myself all at the same time.
Things you hate about writing: I don’t hate anything about the process of writing, though it is sometimes frustrating how hard it is to get your work out there.

Easiest thing about being a writer: when I am in the right frame of mind, the words just flow right to the page. 

Hardest thing about being a writer: ignoring the noise of those that don’t get your work, characters, or humor.  No matter how thick your skin is, no one likes to hear or read negative things about what they have created.


Things you love about where you live: I live in Charlotte, North Carolina, which is a good-sized city with a small-town feel.  The weather is great most of the year, and it has an international airport, so I can get anywhere in the world from here.
Things that make you want to move: I have been in North Carolina for over twenty-five years, and retiring somewhere overseas to immerse myself in a different culture is a dream that I would like to come true.


Things you never want to run out of: great wine, dog treats for our wannabe vampire Maltese, Daisy, and energy.
Things you wish you’d never bought: all that stuff the kids never used or wore.


Favorite foods: I am a foodie, so I will try just about anything.
Things that make you want to throw up: it won’t make me throw up, but super spicy food does not like me very much!

Favorite music: I am child of the 80s, so classic rock.
Music that make your ears bleed: most music put out after 2000.

Favorite beverage: awesome red wine.

Something that gives you a pickle face: really crappy wine.

Favorite smell: my wife.

Something that makes you hold your nose: my ex.

Something you’re really good at: word games, making a mess, and breaking things.

Something you’re really bad at: fixing things.



Last best thing you ate: we just came back from Cabo, and everything we ate was amazing!

Last thing you regret eating: eating dessert every night was something the scale says was a bad idea.

Things you always put in your books: extra hot sex scenes.

Things you never put in your books: sad endings.

Favorite places you’ve been: South Africa, South America, Spain, Italy, and England.

Places you never want to go to again: mortal divorce court.

Favorite things to do: travel, exercise, laughing, eating, and playing with Daisy. 

Things you’d run through a fire wearing gasoline pants to get out of doing: shopping in a mall.

Best thing you’ve ever done: marry my wife, Susie.

Biggest mistake: not finding her soon enough.

Most daring thing you’ve ever done: bungee jumped off of a 290-foot bridge.

Something you chickened out from doing: I’m pretty daring, but I would pass on the bungee jumping now. Being in your 50s versus your 20s, discretion is ever the better part of valor.

The last thing you did for the first time: rode a camel.

Something you’ll never do again: bungee jump, and drink crappy wine. And, definitely not both of these at the same time!

EXCERPT FROM IMMORTAL DIVORCE COURT, VOLUME 1







One

I could do nothing but wait for the deputies to return and, hopefully, free me. I was just beginning to grow a little bit crazy, trading insults with the boil, when I heard footsteps approaching. Through the door came a broad-shouldered figure wearing a traveling cloak as blue as the sky with a large cowl draped over its head. It moved slowly but deliberately, like its knees had suffered many an injury, and stopped suddenly just out of the boil’s range.

“Drat,” said the boil to our mysterious guest. “How did you know to stop just outside of spitting range?”

“I’ve read Bartholomew’s Treatise on Enchanted Boils,” the deep voice behind the cowl said. “Save your pus for a less well-read guest.”

“Who are you?” By this point I’d had so many guests that I was not remotely bothered by my privates being on full display. “Are you a special warlock envoy of Immortal Divorce Court, sent to try your magic on these accursed chains?”

“Well, Sirius Sinister,” said my guest, “I have actually been waiting a few centuries to make your acquaintance. I grew tired of waiting for you to come to me, so I decided to come to you. And seeing how you have been on the wrong end of a few bad decisions, I figured now was the perfect time.” He drew his hood back, revealing a perfectly clean-shaven head that glistened in the eerie light of the chains. “I am Hedley Edrick, but you can call me ‘the Teacher of Teachers,’ ‘the Master of Masters,’ ‘the Scholar of Scholars,’ ‘the Sage of Sages,’ and yes, you guessed it, I am the most learned creature on this amazing planet of ours.”

“What a cocky cock!” opined the boil.

I smiled wryly. “It is a pleasure to finally meet you,” I said. “I always meant to attend your school at some point in the last two hundred years. But instead I seem to have wandered off onto an all too different path.” I rattled my chains. “Of course, I have been getting some hard lessons all the same, though.”

“So I see,” Hedley replied, his eyes twinkling. “But it is never too late to find the proper path. Sometimes life is like making sausage— the process is not something that is pleasant to look at but ends up as something you really wanted all along.”

“What I really want is to be free from these chains so I can go to Immortal Divorce Court and fight for my girls,” I said, feeling a tear come to my eye, which I fought unsuccessfully to blink back in.

“I will free you from those chains,” Hedley said. “If you promise that you will do just one little thing for me.”

“Anything!” I said. “Just name your price!”

“No matter your result at the IDC, whether you are jailed for a thousand years or are free to live unfettered with your girls, you must promise to come to my school and study for as long as I say,” he said.

“I will,” I said. “Not a problem. Now get me out of these chains!”

“Swear,” Hedley said.

“Shit!” said the boil. “Are we free yet?”

“Fine, I swear, I swear,” I said. “Now come on, Edrick, get a move on, those faeries will be coming back any minute now. I can feel it.”

“Swear also to never give up in trying to find the purest love that lifts your heart up and makes all well with the world.”

Damn, that certainly wasn’t a question I wanted to be asked while chained to a wall with my breeches at my ankles and some

strange hooded man in the room. But hopefully, this wasn’t that kind of party.

 

Excerpt from Immortal Divorce Court, Volume 1. Copyright © 2020 by Kurk Zurosky. Reproduced with permission from Kurk Zurosky. All rights reserved.


ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Kirk Zurosky has practiced plaintiff’s personal injury and workers’ compensation law in North Carolina and South Carolina for over twenty years.  He finds working as an attorney helping those that have been injured to be incredibly rewarding.  He has enjoyed writing poems, and fiction stories, since he was a child. Writing was his first love, or so he thought until he met his wife, Susie. That is when he realized what love really was all about and that he could write one Hell of a sex scene. In Kirk’s spare time he enjoys traveling the world with Susie, world history and cultures, fitness, and experiencing all the wonder that life has to offer!



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