Featured Author: Graydon Miller

ABOUT THE BOOK

What is happening to the indigenous children in Veracruz?

Nobody knows why they are disappearing, and nobody really cares. Then Peter Vandervoort, a foreigner living in Mexico, snaps a picture of the wrong man in the wrong place and stumbles into a nightmare. He alone will uncover the horrifying truth about what’s happening to the children. When he meets a sex-starved French journalist trying to salvage her career, it’s hate at first sight. But each holds a piece of the puzzle that will save the children and ignite a passion as steamy as it is volatile . 
. . Open this book and you, too, will become a Hostage of Veracruz.

INTERVIEW WITH GRAYDON MILLER


Grady, what’s the story behind the title Hostages of Veracruz?
The story behind the title of my thriller is so convoluted. The Hostages of Veracruz was the title of the novel, originally written when I was living in Mexico in the 90s. When I translated it into English and printed a limited edition when self-publishing was truly self-publishing, I retitled it Outsourcing. It seemed a great American title in 2003. Fast forward to 2014: The Hostages of Veracruz was finally published in paperback.

This is your first thriller?
Yes, it is. And my lifelong obsession with Hitchcock has finally borne fruit. I was tickled pink by one of the reviews on Amazon. It singled out my “Hitchcockian approach to setting up a scene using luscious descriptions then suddenly, gently, inserting an unexpected word or phrase that slams the reader into a ‘Oh, God-what’s-gonna-happen-next? Direction....” S.R. Mallery said that.

That's a great review. What’s the best compliment you’ve ever received about your writing?
The best complement about Hostages of Veracruz was “It was so disturbing, I had to put it down,” closely followed by this remark, “I was twenty pages into it before I realized my dinner was burning.”

You established yourself as a comic writer. Comments like these must be something new for you.
Amy, that’s for sure. After publishing a terrifying page turner, I’ve found there’s a certain joy in torturing readers. My preferred form or torture remains tickling.

Mine too. How did you create the plot for this book?
Bless my first wife. I was going off to teach an English class at the University of Guadalajara and left her with this short story that had a boffo, Hitchcock/Rod Sterling dark twist at the end. When I got home from my class, I expected to be showered with praise. My wife said, "There’s not enough here; there has to be more." That started me off on a long path, three more years, and things happened along the way. Like someone broke into our house and ripped off my printer. Eventually the short story turned into a novella.

How did you meet your wife? Was it love at first sight?
Downtown Guadalajara, waiting tables at her grandmother’s restaurant during Easter break. We didn’t begin dating till four years later. We kept running into each other. It was love at third sight.

Is your book based on real events?
The seed for the story came from an exposé I read the 90s in the Mexican news magazine Proceso. The story about organ trafficking was compelling but inconclusive. Here I saw this hairline crack in reality to insert fiction, which often can be the only route to the truth in certain regions. Like Latin America, Russia, and Los Angeles. In the course of writing, Hostages of Veracruz, I questioned a lot of doctors and health officials in Mexico. The bit about the boy who is dumped back in his village with corneas removed and twenty dollars in his pocket — that comes right out of my research. These intelligent people were evenly divided about whether the traffic existed. Sadly, since the 90s, the traffic may exist, but in a form much crasser than the villain of my story devised.

Wow. Are you like any of your characters?
Like Peter Vandervoort, a sort of wastrel with the soul of an artist. A strong woman brings out the hero in him. Funny how with Hostages of Veracruz, the reviewers detect what a word artist I am. Peter and I are vindicated.

How many years did you live in Mexico?
Like a good sitcom — Everybody Loves Raymond; Seinfeld — I lived in Mexico for nine years.

It must have affected your outlook.
Yes, I definitely have an émigré outlook. I see it with the vision of an outsider and insider. I know why the Germans love Death Valley and know that people in Italy pine to come to Hollywood, where I live.

So, after living abroad, where is home for you, Graydon?
Where I am. The heart can be many places, of course. I’d like to have a magical room with a work table and then when I open the door, I can step out to where the heart has been. Havana or Sun Valley or Watsonville or Guadalajara.

Where did you grow up?
In Watsonville, California. A farming town many have driven through, but few have stopped.

If you had an extra $100 a week to spend on yourself, what would you buy?
I’d get some cigars, after banking ten dollars. It’s the Scottish in me.


What’s the most valuable thing you’ve learned?
Make as many mistakes as I can and evaluate them. Gosh, I wish somebody had taught me that as a kid or a teen. It’s what I talk about when I visit schools now and give talks. Risking new things and making mistakes gladly — it’s the quickest way to learn — and having fun. It’s very important to be able to enjoy yourself.

I make a lot of mistakes, few of them gladly, but you're right, they are learning experiences. You always seem to be having a very good time. What’s your secret?
To have a good time, give a good time.

What do you love about where you live?
I’m here in the middle of Hollywood in a cottage courtyard. And I’m deepest house in from the sidewalk. My first weekend here the quiet was deafening. There are doves cooing and an occasional possum and you can hear the clink of spoons from neighboring houses.



It sounds wonderful. Right now I can hear a lawn mower. Have you been in any natural disasters?
I have been in a man-made disaster, April 22, Guadalajara Mexico, 1992. Gasoline that had seeped into the street drains blew up eight kilometers of streets. SUVs catapulted onto the roofs of houses. A gymnasium became a morgue. Herds of people panicked and ran through the main streets, away from the explosion zone. I was there the night before. The zone smelled like gas at the pump. We thought it was because subway construction was going on. The why of the disaster has never been adequately answered: corruption, negligence, an accident, who knows? I know one thing: when I smell gas or just suspect it now I call the gas company.

Excellent advice. Do you have another job outside of writing?
I manage Star Wash in West Hollywood. It’s quite a job. Because I am a well-known figure in the neighborhood, I feel a lot like Floyd the barber on Andy Griffith, who never gave a haircut. There’s a lot of gabbing at the laundromat and not much mopping.

What would you like people to say about you after you die?
There was a class act who died laughing with his boots on. There’d be no finer tribute to my life. Death is the great MacGuffin. Baruch Spinoza said “A free man thinks of death least of all things; and his wisdom is a meditation not of death but of life.” I love that.

Who are your favorite authors?

Oooh, that’s a tough one. There are so many. If I had to say, my favorite author is Graydon Miller.

And me of course, right? What are you currently reading?
S.R. Mallery’s Tales to Count On, in Kindle. I’m enjoying myself immensely and Mallery has the Hitchcock touch, especially a talent for the final twist of the knife found in the Hitchcock magazine stories. I give equal weight to the man’s films as an influence and also his magazine stories. I was eating up those devious stories by the end of high school that combine elements dark, desperate and humorous. So many great authors, Ed Hoch, Henry Slesar, Ray Bradbury, Donald Westlake.

Where and when do you prefer to do your writing?
Truly anywhere. In the car and in a café, though the café is getting harder as I am becoming more known. My house is a good place. Sometimes at my house when I’m really into it, to stretch my body and get off the chair I find myself on my knees before the computer. There may be something symbolic in that as well. Larry Gelbart, the TV comedy writer, planted the seed in me that the wee small hours are a good time to write. There’s one novel I nicknamed my “3 a.m. novel.” I switch my routine as circumstances change, and through the madness always manage to find a metabolism.

Where is your favorite library, and what do you love about it?
Beverly Hills Public Library. It’s a church for books, attended by students, indigents and millionaires alike. It’s big enough you can find about anything that pops into your head and you can wander around and make random discoveries. Second favorite is the new library in my hometown. It’s a beauty and a lifeline for submitting my humor pieces. I can’t tell you what a cruel irony it was during the lean years when the city hall and library shut down for three weeks during Christmas. These are happier times when I visit Watsonville.

You can be any fictional character for one day. Who would you be?
Vito Corleone from the book, rather than the movie. I know this man, his cult of family and loyalty to friends. The extortion and the other stuff is beside the point.

Very interesting choice. I might ask who's the first person you would kill as Vito, but I won't put you on the spot. What’s the worst thing someone has said about your writing?
I sent my first book of short stories to Gary Fisketjon, an editor. He sent back a letter saying essentially he wasn’t interested in this or my future body of work.

Ouch. But you showed him! Are you happy with your decision to self-publish?
Delighted to be a publishing maverick. Period. Just as there’s room for paperbacks and Kindle books, there’s room for self-publishing and traditional fear-based publishing. We self-publishers are the brave and the fearless. I already see a world where there’s no more stigma attached to being self-published than being a self-made millionaire.

Amen! I like that world. What are you working on now?
Being the best Graydon Miller in the world.

Book trailer

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Graydon Miller grew up in the heart of Steinbeck Country on the Central California coast. More Bombeck than Steinbeck, Graydon Miller has been compared to T.C. Boyle, Joel Stein, and Voltaire. He briefly attended Columbia University in New York and came to Los Angeles to study filmmaking, but discovered literature instead, in T.C. Boyle’s fiction writing workshop at USC. In addition to A Very Grady Christmas, he has written the funny diet book, Lighten Up Now: The Grady Diet and the humor collection, Late Bloomer. His humor column, "Miller Time," appears weekly in The Canyon News.

Connect with Grady:
Website  |  Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Goodreads  

Other books by Grady Miller

Featured Author: Susan M. Boyer

About the book

Where is Kent Heyward? The twenty-three-year-old heiress from one of Charleston’s oldest families vanished a month ago. When her father hires private investigator Liz Talbot, Liz suspects the most difficult part of her job will be convincing the patriarch his daughter tired of his overbearing nature and left town. That’s what the Charleston Police Department believes.

But behind the garden walls South of Broad, family secrets pop up like weeds in the azaleas. The neighbors recollect violent arguments between Kent and her parents. Eccentric twin uncles and a gaggle of cousins covet the family fortune. And the lingering spirit of a Civil-War-era debutante may know something if Colleen, Liz’s dead best friend, can get her to talk.

Liz juggles her case, the partner she’s in love with, and the family she adores. But the closer she gets to what has become of Kent, the closer Liz dances to her own grave.

Interview with Susan Boyer

Susan, do you have another job outside of writing?
No, I have the luxury of focusing on my writing and the business aspects of being an author. I have so much admiration for those who do have other jobs. I don’t know how they do it all.

I agree. Which character did you most enjoy writing?
Liz for sure, but Colleen, her best friend who’s been dead since their junior year in high school, would be a close second.

What would your main character say about you?
I should exercise more.

Are any of your characters inspired by real people?
My characters aren’t based on real people, but I do use snippets of conversation, mannerisms, and things that people do. I mix characteristics from several people, often strangers, into one character.

Is your book based on real events?
No, it’s entirely fiction. A few real events are mentioned—like the well-documented ghost sightings at Poogan’s Porch, for example. But none of them are central to the story.

Are you like any of your characters?
Liz Talbot has a lot of me in her. She sees the world through my eyes. We’re both Southern, we both love Southern food, Kenny Chesney music, and karaoke. But she is younger, thinner, braver, and thinks of what she wants to say much faster than me.

Where and when do you prefer to do your writing?
Either in my office at home or in a hotel room. I write in the mornings and as long into the afternoon or evening as I’m able.

Where’s home for you?
Greenville, South Carolina.

You’re given the day off, and you can do anything but write. What would you do?
Read in a chair on the beach, then have lunch at a beachfront restaurant. I’d probably order a cheeseburger. Then more reading in the beach chair in the afternoon.

What’s your favorite candy bar?
Do truffles count? Absolutely! I love Lindor truffles. My three favorites are milk chocolate, hazelnut, and peanut butter. It’s odd, because Liz loves Dove Dark Chocolate Promises, but I need the truffles to write her.

What do you like to do when you’re not writing?
Spend time with family, travel—I especially love St. John, USVI—read, watch a few favorite TV shows. I’m really going to miss Justified. This is the last season.

I love that show! If I could live anywhere, I'd probably pick South Carolina. If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be? I’m happy where we are, in Greenville, South Carolina. There are many beautiful places I’d love to visit, but I couldn’t stay because we’d be too far away from our family.

What are you working on now?
Lowcountry Bordello, the fourth Liz Talbot mystery, which comes out in November.

 About the author

Susan M. Boyer is the author of the USA TODAY bestselling Liz Talbot mystery series. Her debut novel, Lowcountry Boil, won the 2012 Agatha Award for Best First Novel, the Daphne du Maurier Award for Excellence in Mystery/Suspense, and garnered several other award nominations. Lowcountry Boneyard, the third Liz Talbot mystery, was released April 21, 2015. Susan loves beaches, Southern food, and small towns where everyone knows everyone, and everyone has crazy relatives. You’ll find all of the above in her novels.

Susan lives in Greenville, South Carolina, with her husband and an inordinate number of houseplants.

Connect with Susan:
Website  |  Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Pinterest  |  Goodreads



a Rafflecopter giveaway

Featured Author: Melanie Denman

About the book

Set in the Bible Belt of Deep East Texas, Visiting the Sins is a darkly funny story about mothers and daughters, naked ambition, elusive redemption, and all the torment it's possible to inflict in the name of family.



Down through the decades, the lofty social aspirations of the feisty but perennially dissatisfied Wheeler women -- Pokey, the love-starved, pistol-packing matriarch; Rebanelle, the frosty former beauty queen turned church organist; and Curtis Jean, the backsliding gospel singer -- are exceeded only by their unfortunate taste in men and a seemingly boundless capacity for holding grudges. A legacy of feuding and scandal lurches from one generation to the next with tragic consequences that threaten to destroy everything the Wheeler women have sacrificed their souls to build.

Interview with Melanie Denman

Melanie, what’s the story behind the title Visiting the Sins?
The title is a little bit ironic in that we usually quote the Bible when we talk about “visiting the sins” of the fathers upon the children. My book is actually about the sins of the mothers, and the title is taken from a line in Shakespeare’s Merchant of Venice.

Where did you grow up?
I grew up on a cattle ranch near Nacogdoches, Texas. I’m an eighth-generation Texan, so those roots run pretty deep.

If you had an extra $100 a week to spend on yourself, what would you buy?
I would buy good seats at the theatre. I used to act in live theatre, and I’m still captivated by watching it.

What’s the dumbest purchase you’ve ever made?
I bought a beautiful pair of black patent pumps with four-inch heels. My hat is off to Sarah Jessica Parker for making it look easy to walk in those things, but I never wore them outside the house.

I'm with you! What makes you bored?
Listening to people talk about their money or what they’re going to buy next.

What choices in life would you like to have a redo on?
There are things I regret doing because they hurt other people, but I don’t think I would choose to change anything. I think things turned out the way they were supposed to turn out.

What makes you excited?
I get really excited when I’m getting packed for a vacation to somewhere I haven’t been before. The anticipation is almost as much fun as the trip itself.

How did you meet your husband?
I met him at a swimming party on the first day of our freshman year at college. I thought he was terribly cute, but I don’t know if it was love at first sight because I didn’t marry him until twenty-five years later!

Oh my! What’s one of your favorite quotes?
I don’t know who said this, but I like it: “It doesn’t matter whether you’re the cheetah or the gazelle. When the sun comes up you’d better be ready to run.”

Love it! If you could live anywhere in the world, where in the world would it be?
I would live in an Airstream trailer park on the beach with my family. I’ve reached a place in my life where time with the people I love is the most important thing.

What’s your favorite line from a book?
I love Gus’s line in Lonesome Dove when the pretty young prostitute accuses him of cheating at cards to get a free roll in the hay with her: “A man who wouldn’t cheat for a poke don’t want one bad enough.”

Are any of your characters inspired by real people?
The character named Pokey, the love-starved matriarch, is loosely based upon my late grandmother. She was a feisty, fearless woman who had enough adventures and misadventures to fill several novels. I was lucky to have her in my life.

Are you like any of your characters?
I think I’m like all of my characters in different ways. For example, Pokey is always seeking the spotlight, which is the opposite of my own personality. But I do identify with her unbridled ambition. Actually, I believe you have to find some common ground with even the most despicable character in order to write authentically about him or her.

True. What book are you currently reading and in what format (e-book/paperback/hardcover)?
I know this is old-fashioned, but I still prefer to hold an actual book in my hands, usually a paperback. I love to gaze at the cover and flip back and forth through the pages. I just finished reading Ruby by a fellow East Texas native, Cynthia Bond. Now I’m deep into The Girl on the Train by Paula Hawkins.

Are you happy with your decision to self-publish? Tell us a little bit about your road to publication.
I self-published because the authors I knew who were traditionally published were getting very little support from their publishers. They were doing practically all the promotional work and giving up much of the revenue. I strongly believed that I had written the story I was meant to write, so I just decided I was willing to bet my own money on it. I was willing to work hard to promote it. If it bombed then nobody would be out any money except for me. Fortunately for me, it didn’t bomb, and I have given away almost all of the profits to causes that matter to me.

What are you working on now?
I’m in the process of adapting Visiting the Sins into a screenplay, and also working on a new novel. Like Visiting the Sins, this one is also set in East Texas, but it is about the relationship between people and their land, and it features strong male and female personalities.

About the author

Melanie Denman is a native of Nacogdoches, Texas and a graduate of Stephen F. Austin State University. An eighth-generation Texan, and a former banker and cattle rancher, she currently lives with her family in the San Francisco Bay Area, where she is working on a second novel.

Connect with Melanie:
Website  |  Facebook 

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Featured Author: Glenn Conley

Glenn doesn't hate all books. But he's very honest in his reviews of books. In fact, as the subtitle says, he's brutally honest. And he's compiled these brutally honest reviews into a book. Warning: there is a lot of unnecessary profanity in this post. Why? Because Glenn's speech is sprinkled liberally with a lot of unnecessary profanity. You have been warned.

About the book

WARNING: There's a lot of unnecessary profanity in this book.
 Why? Because ... Because REASONS!



This book contains over 100 brutally honest book reviews. These laugh-out-loud reviews are offensive in every way possible. There's so much unnecessary profanity, it's crazy. But it's not the profanity or offensiveness that makes this book worth reading. It's the honesty.



You will find 1 star reviews in this book that absolutely tear the book to shreds, because the book was really that bad. But you will also find 5 star reviews in this book, because the book was actually that good. 

It contains reviews of popular books such as Gone Girl, The Giver, The Maze Runner, and many other popular books. Of course, it also includes plenty of books you've probably never heard of.



There's reviews that urge you to read a book, because it's so good. And also, reviews that warn you to stay the hell away from certain books, because they're bad. So bad.



In the end, you'll laugh while reading this book. And cry. And possibly vomit. You've been warned.

Interview with Glenn Conley

Glenn, you have an interesting title for this book. What’s the story behind it?
Well, I listen to a podcast called "Doug Loves Movies." And I thought, wouldn't it be funny if there was a "Doug Hates Movies?" I mean, wouldn't that be a more interesting show? Just bashing the s*^t out of bad movies. So, I started a blog called "Glenn Hates Movies," and I posted some nasty reviews of movies there. But after a while, I found that I love movies too much. There aren't enough movies that I really hate. But damn, there's plenty of books to hate on. So I created the "Glenn Hates Books" blog, and the rest is history.

Where did you grow up?
Keizer, Oregon. It's a small town north of Salem, in Oregon. I hated living there.

I'm sensing a pattern. What’s your favorite memory?
Jesus Christ, my favorite memory of all time? F^*k me. That's 45 years of memories for f*^k's sake. Did I say 'f*^k' already? Good. Just making sure. My favorite memory is probably the look on my mom's face when, after our wedding, my wife gave her a card that said, “Remember, you're not gaining a daughter. You're losing a son.” That was priceless.


If you had $100 a week to spend on yourself, what would you buy?
Well, that's a stupid question. Everyone has $100 a week to spend on themselves, don't they? I'd buy the same s*^t I already do. Well, if I had an extra 100 a week, I'd probably save it, and buy something nice. Like a convertible.

Which is what I meant. An extra $100. Glad you caught on. And good luck on that convertible. 
What’s the dumbest purchase you’ve ever made?
Buying a Geo Metro, and paying way too much for it. At the time, I was actually a new car salesman at a Toyota dealership. But my dealer was taking its sweet time finding me a car, so I went across town and bought that stupid Geo, and in the process got myself ripped off. And my wife cried that I traded in our 73 Chevy Caprice. I was sad after a while too, because we both f*^king loved that car. It just wasn't very practical any more.


What’s the most valuable thing you’ve learned?
Write every day. It doesn't matter what you write about. Just write every goddamn day. At least 500 words. If you keep that up, you can write a novel in no time at all.

Who would you pick to write your biography?
Michael Lewis. I've read a couple of his books, and he's a very good storyteller when it comes to people's lives.

What dumb things did you do during your college years? (I can't wait to hear this.)
Let's see, I had two years of college at George Fox University, a private Quaker college. If you're not familiar with the Quaker movement, it's like Christianity on crack. They're very strict. No kissing or hugging permitted on campus. If you were caught, you were sent to the Dean, and may get expelled. It was hilarious, because everyone was f*^king. I mean, that's the prime f*^k years of your life. If you don't f*^k like mad in college, you're going to miss out on the best f*^k years of your life.

But that's not the hilarious bit. It was funny because everyone had to find secret places to f*^k. At night people would break into the various campus buildings, and f*^k in secret. Cracked me up one time. I Was working security, and we found a couple f*^king in the prayer room. Now that's just plain naughty.

My wife and I were no exception. We would sneak into different buildings every night so we could f*^k like rabbits. During the day we would have to make sure to leave a window cracked in the building, so we could sneak in. It was quite fun, and incredibly stupid.

What do you love about where you live?
I live in Sandy, Oregon. It's a small town near Mt. Hood. I love it here. Not too cold, and not too hot. And the rain turns me on, so there's that. hehehe



What is the most daring thing you've done? (Again, this ought to be good.)
Had sex with my wife on a crowded beach, surrounded by our friends. We were under a blanket, but it was still pretty bloody obvious. Someone on the beach finally screamed “Oh my God! They're doing it!” And our friends turned to see me humping furiously to finish. Good times.


What is the stupidest thing you've ever done?
Well, back in the late 90's, I had a very successful business. My business partner suggested that we start playing the stock market. Three months later, I was arrested for securities fraud. If I had just stuck with my original business plan, and not listened to that f*^king asshole, I would have never been arrested and sent to jail. For that small mistake, I was sentenced to 36 months in a federal prison.

Yeah, that's pretty stupid. What’s one thing that you wish you knew as a teenager that you know now?
Write every day. I think I've already mentioned that mantra, but it's worth repeating.


What makes you bored?
Reading. LOL. Seriously, so many books bore me to tears. That's why I write such flaming reviews of books. Because they piss me off so much.


What choices in life would you like to have a redo on?
The business decision I mentioned above. And I should have studied writing in college, instead of film. And I wish I would have chosen a career that I actually enjoyed, instead of one that I grew to hate. I mean, I wish I knew back then that I should work at something I enjoy, not for the money, but because I actually enjoy doing it.



What makes you nervous?
Speaking in public.


What makes you happy?
Life.

What makes you scared?
Spiders. F*^king hate spiders.

Ditto. Here's a free tip: spiders hate peppermint. Put some peppermint oil in a spray bottle with water and spray around all your doors. Windows probably would be a good idea too. You're welcome. What makes you excited? (Besides the tip I just gave you.)
Movies. When a new movie that I'm really looking forward to is about to come out, I get giddy like a f*^king schoolgirl.

Do you have another job outside of writing?
No.

Who are you?
Are you getting philosophical on me? I sure hope not. I'm not a complicated guy. Well, most guys aren't complicated. But I'm even less so. I'm very shallow. Like an air head. In college, everyone thought I was a complete idiot. Because I acted like one. Only my wife-to-be noticed that I had actual intelligence. So who am I really? I'm a very smart guy, who's learned to mask his intelligence. Because people don't like smart people. People love an air head.

I think you're hanging with the wrong people. What are your most cherished mementoes? Things? Can't say that I have any. You could burn everything that I own, and I wouldn't care.

If you could only save one thing from your house, what would it be?
My computer. Well, assuming my wife could get out by herself, of course.

What brings you sheer delight?
When an author gets upset that I gave his book a bad review. Oh my God. I f*^king love that s*^t. I laugh and laugh like a f*^king schoolgirl. It's f*^king hilarious. I live for that s*^t.

You are truly a unique individual. Would you rather be a lonely genius, or a sociable idiot?
A sociable idiot.

Well, that's pretty obvious. Just kidding. What’s one of your favorite quotes?
“You can have everything you want in life, if you help enough other people get what they want.” Zig Ziggler.

“There's no such thing as bad publicity.” Unknown

That's two, but I'll let it slide. If you could live anywhere in the world, where in the world would it be?
Hawaii. Maui, to be more specific. F*^king love that island. We made a mistake one year and went to one of the smaller islands. It turned out to be a f*^king hippy commune island. So much so that we couldn't find any restaurants on the island that served beef. Or chicken. It was like a vegetarian island, for f*^k's sake. When we finally found a McDonald's, we were in heaven.

What would you like people to say about you after you die?
“He was an asshole!”

That's probably a pretty safe bet. Again, just kidding. What’s your favorite line from a book?
“There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened.” Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy


How did you create the plot for this book?
Considering that it's nonfiction, there isn't a plot per se. Just the ramblings of a complete idiot. I'm talking about me. I'm the idiot. Everyone smile and wave at the idiot.

Is your book based on real events?
Yes. I really do f*^king hate books. Well, I don't hate all books. That'd be silly. I hate books that suck.

One of your characters has just found out you’re about to kill him off. He decides to beat you to the punch. How would he kill you?
Put me through a wood chipper. Or nuke me from orbit. It's the only way to be sure.

With what five real people would you most like to be stuck in a bookstore?
Let's see, Ryan Gossling, Brad Pitt, Charlese Theron, Emma Watson, and Scarlett Johansen ... Just so I can stand there and drool.

I've never been a fan of bookstores. My wife used to drag me to them all the time, and I always ended up taking a nap in a stuffed chair until she was finished.

Well, that's just silly. Who are your favorite authors?
Douglas Adams, Edward Lee, Michael Lewis to name a few.


What book are you currently reading?
Horror Stories, by Jack Kilborn.

What’s one pet peeve you have when you read?
Finding errors. There are always errors, and it f*^king drives me nuts. I also hate it when I read something that's written in "British English," or the author's idea of British English. They misuse quotes, among other things.


Do you have a routine for writing?
I usually write first thing in the morning. Well, after breakfast. Because that way, it takes a priority.

Where and when do you prefer to do your writing?
At my desk. In my house. Where else? I don't understand those freaks that do their writing at Starbucks. What the f*^k is wrong with their house?

What’s the best compliment you’ve ever received about your writing?
“You're f*^king hilarious!” I love it when people actually understand what my book is about.

If you could be a ghostwriter for any famous author, who would you pick?
Stephen King. He needs a f*^king ghost writer, because his latest novels have sucked donkey balls.

What’s the hardest thing you’ve ever had to write?
Fiction can be a challenge for me, because I hate writing about normal people. You know, people that don't f*^king swear in every goddamn sentence. Every time I have to create one of those characters, it's a challenge. And it f*^king pisses me off. But, unfortunately, all characters can't be like me.

Where is your favorite library, and what do you love about it?
I hate libraries.

You can be any fictional character for one day. Who would you be? 
Zaphod Beeblebrox.

What’s the worst thing someone has said about your writing? How did you deal with it?
“Why are you so angry?” I told them that I'm not angry at all. I'm the happiest, most well-adjusted guy I know.

Why did you decide to self-publish?
Because, f*^k publishers! I'm sick and tired of submitting my s*^t to publishers. You know, one time I was so tired of rejections that I sent a letter to a publisher, with my manuscript, and a note that said something like, “F*^k you, man! You don't want to publish my book. Don't even f*^king look at it. Throw it in the motherf*^king trash. And after you've done that, go f*^k yourself.” Believe it or not, that submission actually got published. Apparently, telling a publisher to 'go f*^k yourself' is not something they see every day.

Go figure. Are you happy with your decision to self-publish?
Yes. My road to self-publish was a short one. I just woke up one day and decided, F*^k it. I'm just going to collect my reviews into a book and self-publish that s*^t. What's the worst that could happen?

If you self-published, what steps to publication did you personally do, and what did you hire someone to do? Is there anyone you’d recommend for a particular service? (e.g. formatting, cover art, editing…)
I wrote and formatted the book myself. The formatting being the hardest part. It was a royal pain in the ass to get it perfect for the Kindle format. The editing was done expertly by my wife. Didn't have to hire anyone for anything. A professional cover designer did offer her services to me for free, and she created some neat covers, but in the end, I, or actually my wife, decided that my original cover that I made myself was better.

What are you working on now?
The novel I'm currently working on is called Killing Every Day. It's about a guy who has just lost his wife to cancer. His whole life he's been holding in a monster. He's always wanted to kill people, but didn't want to upset his happy family life. Now, he's got nothing to lose, so he's going to kill someone every goddamn day. He's going to cause chaos in a small town, where there hasn't been a murder in over ten years.

About the author

Glenn Conley learned to hate books from a very early age. Because reading a book was homework and he absolutely hated homework. It wasn't until his early teens that he started reading for his own enjoyment. Now he writes horror and science fiction stories. And he's obsessed with writing brutally honest book reviews.

Connect with Glenn:
Website  |  Blog  |  Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Goodreads

Featured Author: Judi Culbertson

About the book:

For the first time in nearly twenty years, Delhi Laine’s family is whole. But that doesn’t mean everything is back to normal. With no proof to condemn her daughter’s kidnappers, Delhi’s family is forced to share Elisa with her “adopted” parents. But when they suddenly perish in a mysterious house fire, Elisa is heartbroken . . . and Delhi’s husband, Colin, is charged with their murder. Delhi knows it’s up to her to prove his innocence, but the deeper she digs, the more it becomes evident that nothing is as it seems. When Elisa goes missing, Delhi fears her nightmare may be repeating itself. If she can’t clear Colin’s name and find Elisa again, there may not be another chance. Twenty years ago she lost her daughter . . . if she fails now, she might lose everything — and everyone — she holds dear.

Guest Post: Playing Authors

            Have you always secretly known that you could write a wonderful novel if you only had the time? Now is the time. Rather, at your next party or family gathering your words can entertain and intrigue everyone around you. My family proves that every Thanksgiving when, after dinner, seven or eight of us gather in my brother’s living room and play the “First Line Game.” 

            The game goes like this: Everyone is equipped with a blank pad and pen. The first person chooses a book from the pile of paperback novels and mysteries that I have amassed cheaply  from thrift stores, and reads descriptive paragraphs on the back out loud.  Usually they need to do it twice. Then everyone else writes an opening sentence for the book.

            The sentences are turned in and read to the group by the first reader who has written out the real first sentence from the book and reads it along with the others. Then each person tries to guess the author’s opening line. When the votes are tallied, players get one point if identify it correctly. So do people whose made-up line is picked as the true one. It often comes down to a choice between trying to be authentic and being funny. The next person in the circle chooses a book and so on.

            Relaxed by turkey, a walk in the woods, and a few glasses of wine, people produce inspiring and often hilarious openings. For a cozy mystery set on the campus of Princeton University, New Jersey, someone at another gathering wrote, “Not all murders happen in Newark.” For a southern gothic romance, my husband contributed, “Up to her pretty neck in alligators, Samantha waded through the bayou, frantic to find the man of her dreams.”

            Spoiler alert: Neither of those lines was the real one.

            Genre books – mystery, romance, and fantasy – work best. Their colorful plots seem to inspire creativity and none of them begin “All happy families are alike.”

            Last year we tried poetry, supplying the last line of a stanza.  It didn’t work quite as well. This year it’s back to Samantha and the bayou.

About the author:

Judi Culbertson draws on her experience as a used-and-rare book dealer, social worker, and world traveler to create her bibliophile mysteries. No stranger to cemeteries, she also co-authored five illustrated guides with her husband, Tom Randall, starting with Permanent Parisians. She lives in Port Jefferson, New York, with her family.

Connect with the author:
Website  |  Goodreads

Featured Author: Dawn Eastman

About the book:

Here is the newest Family Fortune Mystery, starring former cop Clyde Fortune, who — snowbound with her kooky family in a creepy castle — is climbing the walls and combing the halls, looking for a cold-blooded killer . . .

After their flight to Mexico is cancelled, Clyde and her detective boyfriend, Mac, end up snowed in with their families at a supposedly haunted hotel. Clyde’s tarot card reading mother, Rose, is making dire predictions for the weekend, and self-proclaimed pet psychic Aunt Vi is enchanted by the legend of the hotel’s ghost — until the power goes out and a body turns up.

With a hotel full of stranded suspects, Clyde will have to draw on all her skills — both the police ones she’d rather forget and the psychic ones she’d rather ignore — to solve the bone-chilling mystery before someone else gets iced . . .

Interview with Dawn Eastman

Dawn, tell us about your series. Is this book a standalone, or do readers need to read the series in order?
The Family Fortune Mysteries are set in western Michigan in a small town called Crystal Haven. It’s a tourist town with a twist — the main attractions are the psychics, mediums, and tarot readers. My protagonist has returned to town after several years away and must navigate her family dynamics while struggling with her own psychic gifts. A cast of quirky humans and animals ensure that nothing runs smoothly.

They do not need to be read in order, but that is the way I personally like to read a series. That said, if I have done my job, a reader can get caught up pretty quickly by starting anywhere and then can go back to the earlier ones if they choose. A Fright to the Death particularly lends itself to being read out of order because the gang is stuck in a castle hotel so the setting and the supporting characters are new.

Where’s home for you?
Des Moines, Iowa is where I live. Michigan will always feel like home.

Where did you grow up?
All over the East Coast and then Michigan from age twelve through college.

What’s one thing that you wish you knew as a teenager that you know now?
It will all work out.

What choices in life would you like to have a redo on?
None, because each choice led to where I am today.

What makes you nervous?
Public speaking.

If you could only save one thing from your house, what would it be?
Assuming my husband, kids, and dog were safe, I’d grab my laptop.

If you could live anywhere in the world, where in the world would it be?
London.

What would you like people to say about you after you die?
She was kind.

What’s your favorite line from a book?
From Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: “Of course it is happening inside your head, Harry, but why on earth should that mean it is not real?”

Are any of your characters inspired by real people?
Seth is my protagonist’s nephew. He is loosely based on a younger version of my son.

What’s the best compliment you’ve ever received about your writing?
I’ve been so fortunate to have a very kind and vocal readership, so I have received many lovely compliments. The ones I like the most are when they say they stayed up all night reading, or that it made them laugh.

However, the compliment that most inspired me to keep writing happened in a college creative writing course. One of the other students was an amazing writer. I loved everything he shared with the class. When it came time to share my piece, his comment was, “I wish I’d written this.” It was a long time ago, and I don’t remember his name, but it stayed with me and kept me writing even when no one else was reading.

What are you working on now?
I am writing book 4 for the series. The Fortune Family is back in Crystal Haven. A zombie fun run and a Founder’s Day celebration bring lots of people into town, including Clyde’s elusive sister, Grace, and a few other suspicious characters. That book will be released in April 2016.

About the author

Dawn Eastman lived in Michigan for many years, in a house full of animals, unusual people, and laughter. She now lives in Iowa with her family and one extremely bossy small dog. She is the national bestselling author of The Family Fortune Mystery Series, which features psychics, animal communication, quirky characters and murders.

Connect with Dawn:
Website  |  Blog  |  Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Goodreads 

Featured Author: Julie Seedorf

About the book:

Granny may be retired as Fuchsia, Minnesota’s one-woman undercover sleuth for the Fuchsia Police Department, but that doesn’t mean she still doesn’t need a trusty weapon. Her weapon of choice, a pink snow shovel. When Granny runs over a dead body with her snowmobile, she unwittingly sets off a chain of events that involves mislabeled corpses, empty graves, and stolen money—lots of it! Who’s at the bottom of this years-old crime? Granny has an idea, but she has little time to investigate, when in just days she’s scheduled to marry the love of her life, Franklin Gatsby, in a post-Christmas ceremony. So, Granny decides to enlist the help of her friends and neighbors. Add in Christmas Holiday excitement and the arrival of Granny’s family, who are all there for her wedding, and mayhem ensues. Of course, Granny can always count on her many furry friends to provide her with moral support, but it’s quite possible that Granny—that is, Hermiony Vidalia Criony Fiddlestadt—has a secret or two of her own, which may very well be revealed as Granny Snows A Sneak.

Interview with Julie Seedorf

Julie, what’s the story behind the title Granny Snows A Sneak?
Granny Snows A Sneak takes place in winter. Granny always has a new weapon and what better weapon than a snow shovel and snow in the wintertime in Minnesota?

Sounds like a perfect weapon to me. Tell us about your series. Is this book a standalone, or do readers need to read the series in order?
My series is set in a fictional Minnesota town called Fuchsia, Minnesota. It is better to read them in order. Fuchsia is a community very different and not governed by the rules we have to live by in real life. Its rules are pure fantasy that would never work the way we live life today. Granny is an over the top older woman. She defies the rules of old age but I had a mother somewhat like her. Granny is finally living her life the way she has always wanted to live but society kept her from being who God created her to be. I never mention Granny’s age because I want my readers to put her at whatever age their imagination wants. Along with Granny are quirky neighbors, overly concerned family members, unusual murders and Fuchsia secrets that have never been told. Each book has clues for the mystery coming up in the next book. It may seem as if I forgot to tie some clues in with the current mystery, but that is the plan and the answers are found in the next mystery in the next book. Over the series more details about Hermiony Vidalia Fiddlestadt’s life is revealed along with the other citizens of Fuchsia. People will see eventually whys Granny is who she is, with a little fun and suspense along the way.

Where’s home for you? 
Home for me is rural Minnesota. Life is lived with the revolving seasons and changes in beauty and temperature along with the surrounding countryside of farms and lakes.

What’s the most valuable thing you’ve learned?
I have learned to laugh at myself and not take myself too seriously. It takes so much work to lift yourself out of sadness and depression and laughter is a gift. Also I have learned to take the time to really look at people and reach out and talk to someone new. I have made the best friends through chance encounters.

Who would you pick to write your biography?
I would choose my daughter to write my biography. She has great wisdom and would write with love, but also with honesty and clarity. She would see my soul but write about my mistakes with insight into how they shaped my life.

What’s one thing that you wish you knew as a teenager that you know now?
I wish I would have listened to my mother more and been more respectful.  She knew more than I gave her credit for. I never wanted to be like her when I was younger, but now I want her strength and tenacity and her courage. I wish I could tell her that and tell her I understand all she went through and what shaped her life.


What makes you bored?
I am very seldom bored. There are always so many things to do such as read a book, try a new craft, write, play with my cats, play with my grandchildren, hook up on social media, make something new out of something old. The list is endless.


What choices in life would you like to have a redo on?
The one thing I would redo in my life is to let myself be who God created me to be rather than let society influence me into wearing the masks of what is acceptable. In my old age I finally have let those expectations go and enjoy life so much more.

What makes you happy?
Making the choice to write as a full time career makes me happy. I didn’t realize how much I disliked what I was doing for the last 16 years until I gave it up. Now I feel as I am playing every day even if it might be feast or famine when it comes time to pay the bills. My children and grandchildren keep me smiling all the time.

What makes you scared?
I get scared when I see the disrespect in the world today and the impact of violence in a world where my grandchildren will have to live.

What’s one of your favorite quotes?
“In the hour of adversity be not without hope For crystal rain falls from black clouds.” -Persian Proverb
 I have it painted on my bathroom wall.

I love that! What would your main character say about you?
“You’ve got scrambled eggs for brains.” I stole that line from a review about one of my books, but Granny would say that. It wasn’t meant to be a compliment, it was supposed to be a bad review, one star, but I loved it, along with them comparing my writing to Dr. Suess. I like him too.

How did you create the plot for this book?
I never know until I start writing what is going to happen. A friend gave me the idea for Granny to spend some time in the cemetery. That idea came after we were all reminiscing about a real grave robber we had in my community in, I believe, the early 60’s. He wrote me a note and said, “This is a great idea for Granny.”

What’s the best compliment you’ve ever received about your writing?
I believe it came from Kate Eileen Shannon when she read Granny Snows A Sneak. This is part of what she said, “I've called this series before Lemony Snicket for adults and it still is.”

That's great! What’s the worst thing someone has said about your writing? How did you deal with it?
Besides having scrambled eggs for brains, most of the bad reviews have come from people that don’t understand the satire and humor of the book. They think it is too farfetched and too much fantasy. I understand that not everyone is going to like my writing. If you gave me a history book to read or a very graphic book I would not give it a good review, not because they weren’t good books but because it wasn’t my type of book. I probably wouldn’t review it at all because it wouldn’t be fair to the author.

Granny Snows A Sneak is published by Cozy Cat Press, but what steps in self-publication have you personally done, and what did you hire someone to do? Is there anyone you’d recommend for a particular service?
I have self-published my kids books the Granny’s In Trouble Series.  For those and my newest book, Something About Nothing under my label Hermiony Vidalia Books, I designed the covers and did my own uploading for the printing and e-process. My editor for Something About Nothing is D.A. Sarac, The Editing Pen, and I certainly would recommend her expertise.

What are you working on now?
I am working on the fourth book in the Fuchsia Minnesota series for Cozy Cat Press. It will be called Granny Forks A Fugitive.

About the author

Julie Seedorf is a Minnesotan. She calls dinner - supper, and lunch - dinner. She has had many careers over her lifetime but her favorite career was that as mother to her children. In later life she became a computer technician, opening her own business. In 2012, Julie signed a contract with Cozy Cat Press for her Fuchsia, Minnesota series. Books included in that series are Granny Hooks a Crook, Granny Skewers A Scoundrel and released in November 2014, Granny Snows A Sneak. Closing her computer business in January 2014, Julie has transitioned to becoming a full-time writer adding free-lance work for various newspapers, along with continuing her column "Something About Nothing" which is now in book form, in a book of the same name, released in early 2015. Her children's series, Granny's In Trouble, gives her grandkids a hint of the young Grandma underneath the wrinkles. Her books are light and fluffy and highlight the fact that in the midst of life we have to find the humor in bad situations to keep us going. "We all take ourselves too seriously and we need to have a little fun.” Julie secretly yearns to be like the Granny characters in her books. Julie's serious side is revealed in a story included in the newly released book, We Go On – Charity Anthology for Veterans, where the proceeds will go to Veteran's Charities.

Connect with Julie:
Website  |  Blog  |  Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Goodreads