GUEST POST BY BRANDI HAAS

ABOUT THE BOOK

Life in the suburbs ain’t easy. Squeezing into those tiny chairs on the back-to-school night. Finding the beloved pet fish floating at the top of his bowl. Planning a romantic evening–only to fall asleep on the couch with your honey.

Lucky for us, we’ve got Brandi Haas to make us laugh. As the author of the popular blog Tales from Suburbia, Brandi tackles the big issues of our day—like whether to pay six bucks to valet park or search for a spot and walk ten blocks to the restaurant. Her stories about the daily absurdities of life will make you laugh out loud.

Heartfelt and seriously funny, More Tales from Suburbia: Yes, It Gets Even Crazier is like sharing a bottle of wine and conversation with your best girlfriend.

GUEST POST BY BRANDI HAAS

Fresh Mountain Air . . . and Bears

“Enjoy your hike!” the ski lift operator said cheerfully.

“We will!” I yelled back.

I put one arm around my husband and the other around my daughter and said, “What could be better than a little hike through the mountains of Big Sky, Montana? It’s a gorgeous day in June! The sun is shining and the evergreens are bright and lush and swaying in the breeze. Look at us! We took a quick jaunt up the mountain on the ski lift and are now treated to a view of the tree-covered mountain and that green valley below. My lungs feel renewed just breathing in this fresh mountain air! Can’t you just feel the peace and tranquility up here?”

“And be careful to avoid the bears!” the ski lift operator shouted at us.

My transcendental moment came to a screeching halt.

“Did he just say bears?” I looked at my husband for confirmation.

“Yeah, but it’s just a precaution,” he said like he was reading from the brochure he picked up at the front desk of our hotel. “Bears don’t want to be anywhere near people,”

“You’re telling me you forced me and our infant daughter to ride that damn Stairway to Heaven ski lift up this godforsaken mountain so we could spend the day getting covered in pine sap and dodging ravenous, bloodthirsty bears?” I demonstrated my fury by pacing back and forth while madly waving my arms. 

“Forced you? Wait, what happened to a quick jaunt, fresh air, green valleys? And our daughter hasn’t been an infant for over seven years,” my husband said.

“Don’t bother quoting me—the addition of bears changes everything.” I flung my hand in the air for emphasis and planted the other hand on my hip.

“Look, we’re up here, it’s beautiful, and the map says it’s an easy, thirty-minute hike back down. No bears are going to bother us. We just stick to the trail and make lots of noise so we don’t startle them.” My husband sounded like an overly peppy counselor from Camp Woodchuck.

“I’m in!” our daughter screamed excitedly. “I like bears!”

“You do know that we’re not talking about a bear wearing an ill-fitting red shirt with his paw stuck in a pot of honey, right?” I asked—more to my husband than to my daughter.

They started down the trail, then turned and looked back at me.

“Okay, I’m in,” I said, slowly walking toward them. “What should we do to make noise? Maybe I could sing.”

My husband shook his head. “We want to startle the bears, not terrify them. Your normal volume and usual hand gestures should do the trick.”

As it turned out, the hike was a lot of fun and we didn’t encounter any bears—with or without honey pots.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Brandi Hass is a former high school English teacher. Born and raised in California, she now lives in Missouri with her husband, daughter and their dog. She is consistently inconsistent about her weight and age because, really, it’s no one’s business anyway. She sees humor in everything and began writing stories about her life as a way to share her insanity with the world. You can read Brandi’s Blog or follow Tales From Suburbia on Facebook.

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